By-Tor.com

@#$%^$%&*^$# !!!!!!!!

All I can think of to say is what Jeff Spicolli said to Mr. Hand.

7 DEGREES OF BLONDE

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning.
The very blonde wife picked up the
phone, listened a moment and said "How should I
know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife answered,
"I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One
notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The
second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the
first blonde hands her the compact. The second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy,
it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on
her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to
his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her
purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of
state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask
me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin ?" The blonde
replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told
her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA
Freshman, sat in her US government class. The
professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then
finally said, "That was the decision George
Washington had to make before he crossed the
Delaware"

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to
find her house ransacked and burglarized. She
telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the
first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran
out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the
cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I
come home to find all my possessions stolen. I
call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

SW-EEEEET.....that was MONEY

that was funny hairy

A woman walks into a pharmacy and tentatively approaches the pharmacist. The pharmacist, seeing her hesitancy, asks if there is anything that he can do for her. She asks him in a quiet voice, "Do you carry extra large condoms?" He points to where they are and asks if she wants to purchase a box. She says, "No, but do you mind if I wait here until someone does?"




A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back
and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.

The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's 'privates' hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out "I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!"

Great stuff Soup.

I liked the sixth degree Hairy they were all good but I liked that one the best; I laughed. Good stuff Soupy.

Haahaahaa those were pretty funny soup/

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...

She gestured alluringly to the bartender, who approached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

I would so die!

HAHAHA that one had some value huh?

I think these days someone in the US could charge you with assult for doing that though.

Osama bin Laden, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality,
goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she
finds the answer.
"You will die on an American holiday."
"Which one?" Osama bin Laden asks nervously.
"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it will be
an American holiday."

Nice.


Here's an E-Mail I just got.


Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget