Fav Quotes Anyone?

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:36 am

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
-Mitch Hedburg

ElfDude · Post by **ElfDude** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:52 am

Big Blue Owl wrote:"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
-Mitch Hedburg

I don't know who Mitch is... and my knee-jerk reaction was to be offended by that remark. But after a few moments of thought I realized that I agree with him.

Fortunately, the US policy is not to fight for peace. We fight for freedom.

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:21 am

One of my all-time favorite people/comedians. As is too often the story, he died very young.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 5345561546

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 ? March 29, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. Hedberg's comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes, and observational comedy, mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs. Hedberg's comedy and on-stage persona gained him a cult following, with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them.

A few other quotes from Mitch;

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.

Dogs are forever in the push up position.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

ElfDude · Post by **ElfDude** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:30 am

Some great one-liners in there!

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 2:52 pm

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

that is my fav...I've always wondered why when an escalator is bust your not allowed to use it

Sir Myghin · Post by **Sir Myghin** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 3:27 pm

schuette wrote:
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
that is my fav...I've always wondered why when an escalator is bust your not allowed to use it

physical exertion is not allowed in shopping centers, you must save all energy for wallet reaching, conveyors coming soon.

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:03 pm

very true myg

ElfDude · Post by **ElfDude** » Mon Mar 23, 2009 5:14 pm

"If you believe in the seamless mutuality of government and big business, come out and say it. There is a dictionary definition, one word that describes that toxic blend. You're a fascist. Get them to print you a T-shirt with fascist on it. What else is this but fascism?"

-- Keith Olbermann

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:06 am

ElfDude · Post by **ElfDude** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:28 am

Yep.

Not to mention,

"The Obama administration is considering asking Congress to give the Treasury secretary unprecedented powers to initiate the seizure of non-bank financial companies, such as large insurers, investment firms and hedge funds"

-- Binyamin Appelbaum and David Cho of the Washington Post 3/24/09

CygnusX1 · Post by **CygnusX1** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:49 am

"I believe the best social program is a job."

- Ronald Reagan

CygnusX1 · Post by **CygnusX1** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:53 am

Broad-minded is just another way of saying a fellow's too lazy to form an
opinion."

- Will Rogers

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:40 am

Wow, I didn't realize that Will Rogers was so narrow-minded. Perhaps he is related to Fred Rogers.

ElfDude · Post by **ElfDude** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:51 am

"Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty. "

-- Ronald Reagan

CygnusX1 · Post by **CygnusX1** » Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:56 am

Big Blue Owl wrote:Wow, I didn't realize that Will Rogers was so narrow-minded. Perhaps he is related to Fred Rogers.

They were both philosophers in their own way.

If the shoe fits...