The Satire Daily News

Big Brother · Post by **Big Brother** » Tue Aug 31, 2004 10:24 am

Will do you for your vote: The Bush secret strategy to win your vote!
The Bush twins announced earlier yesterday that they would go on the campaign trail and Have sex for votes of young men, and women, across the country.
Campaing stops include:
Havard, Yale, Ohio State, UCLA, Stanford and other campuses around the nation.

Here we see the twins at the press announcement.

Moments before they 69'd each other.

"Are those real?" Geroge W. complimenting his daughter Jenna on her firm, yet soft, breasts.

"We are willing to do anything for your vote" Says an emotional Jenna Bush just minutes before having intercorse with 300 young men at Duke University.

Are the Kerry daughters willing to do the same? Stay on alert!

Big Brother :mrpimp:

Big Brother · Post by **Big Brother** » Tue Aug 31, 2004 8:20 pm

Cops arrest the New Haven Serial Killer

For nearly 3 months the Suspect eluded detectives.
Police, with help from the FBI, have arrested 5 year old Tommy Dooly of New Haven for the murders of 20 people.

"All of our suspects early on in the investigation had solid alibi's, then we got a break in the case, finger prints for the first time!" Detective J.Raleigh "We thought....Hey it must be a little person doing the crimes, you know, 'cos of the size of the finger prints."

"We hit another wall! None of the midgets...(sorry, please don't write that I used the word midget) Little persons had matching prints."

"I really got bored one day and started trying to match the prints to children's that we use in case a child goes missing and whatnot and to my suprise....a match!"-Officer Ramon Rodriguez

Tommy was arrested with out resisting and will be arraigned on wednesday.

D'Anconia · Post by **D'Anconia** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 11:59 pm

Funny stuff, big bro. But with all this politically incorrect stuff and you apologize for saying midget? Have you no balls?

On a related note - my late grandmother said to me, "You know, you just don't see as many dwarves around as you used to." I laughed at first, but think about it - it's true!

Big Brother · Post by **Big Brother** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 12:04 am

WTF?

The police officer said that!!!!

I have balls....in fact, they are abnormally huge!

Aerosmitten · Post by **Aerosmitten** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:02 am

Big Bro....you and your news rock \m/

Big Brother · Post by **Big Brother** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 11:10 am

God is pissed!

It turns out hurricane Charley claimed the wrong lives, not only that, it took the wrong route!

According to one source, God was away at a birthday party of another god in some other uniberse when the mistake happened.

"After hurricane Charley blasted through Florida people have become more prepared, but we are confident we will claim the souls we missed with the upcoming hurricane Frances."
-Says God's PR person

"I was expecting 300 souls in hell, when they didn't show up I began to get impatient and called my father on the phone to see if there had been a change in fate."
-Satan

Big Brother · Post by **Big Brother** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 2:11 pm

Bill Clinton in the hospital?

According to the media channels, former president Bill Clinton will undergo a bypass heart operation.

But we all know that is all a lie!

Sources close to Bill say that he will get a penis enlargement procedure.

"He is doing this to save his marriage, which has been on the rocks since the Lewinsky scandal."
MSNBC Analyst

"He will go from a 8 incher to a whopping footlong!"-Dr. Stiffberg

Monica has also been seen in various places in the New York area. She has gained weight once again in hopes that Bill will notice her.

"I really want to taste his monster meat again"- Monica Lewinsky

-Big Brother

awip2062 · Post by **awip2062** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 3:01 pm

That shirt: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww *pukes*

Sir Myghin · Post by **Sir Myghin** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 9:04 pm

these are a riot bro, keep em coming , anyone ever read "A modest proposal" by jonathan swift ?

Big Brother · Post by **Big Brother** » Fri Sep 03, 2004 11:14 pm

India "accidentaly" nukes Pakistan

Early today a nuclear missile was activated and made its way to the Pakistani city of Multan.
The death toll is still undetermined as of yet.

It is still unknown as to what caused the actual countdown.
According to one soldier,

"the general got piss drunk and guessed the the access code which was 'ASSCHAMPION'."

This Pakistani man, who held the record for world's healthiest teeth, was one of the lucky survivors.
Unfortunately the blast shattered his teeth, which had won him worldwide recognition.

"My teeth, my beautiful teeth! They've ruined my only means of making a living!"

Pakistan's President Pervez Musharraf "This is war! They must pay for this insult!"
Here we see him addresing his nation in his Darth Vader Armani suit.

Just moments later he changes his clothes as seen in the picture below.

*breathes heavily*

-Big Brother

Big Brother · Post by **Big Brother** » Sat Sep 04, 2004 4:18 pm

Solving the Homeless crisis

A proposal to solve the homeless problem on Capitol Hill in Washington D.C. has passed the Senate awaiting approval from President Bush (or Kerry) in 2005.

According to the proposal, the homeless will be butchered and their flesh will be sold in grocery stores around the nation at a more economical price than beef or pork.

Other human meat products and several lines of baby food

await producion as soon as the bill passes into law.

Restaurant franchises will also make low income meals to those who qualify under the welfare program such as the "HoboSuprise" value meal which has done well in malls across the nation.

"We don't tell people what food samples made out of, they just wolf them down like there's no tomorrow! Another product doing extremely well is the "BumRumChilli" fries

which is getting a score of 4 out of 5 from children of ages 12 and under!"
-Maria Lewis, FDA researcher

"Rather than to bury the bones...they could be used as chew toys for dogs. Besides, the skulls could be used as door stops or even in Shakespear plays like McBeth or somethin'."
-Ron Reese FDA researcher.

Big Brother

D'Anconia · Post by **D'Anconia** » Sat Sep 04, 2004 4:21 pm

That meat package picture is gross.

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Sat Sep 04, 2004 4:37 pm

I may not be American but even I find them funny as fuck

Aerosmitten · Post by **Aerosmitten** » Mon Sep 06, 2004 12:57 am

LOL what a pic.