The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
this is what I get when I click on it...
http://www.doodie.com/anger_management.php
**hits the java one more time before I bail**
http://www.doodie.com/anger_management.php
**hits the java one more time before I bail**
Don't start none...won't be none.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
CygnusX1 wrote:this is what I get when I click on it...
http://www.doodie.com/anger_management.php
**hits the java one more time before I bail**
Then click on the whack yer boss ENTER
This space for rent
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Three men and a Genie
Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Marine are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern.....and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also Farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada'
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Pakistan , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Marine says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds those countries. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Marine sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, 'Fill it with water.'
Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Marine are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern.....and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also Farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada'
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Pakistan , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Marine says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds those countries. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Marine sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, 'Fill it with water.'
Happy 2015!
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.
His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.
"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.
"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.
He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.
"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.
When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.
A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer
"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.
"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."
His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.
"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.
"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.
He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.
"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.
When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.
A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's evening, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer
"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.
"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."
This space for rent
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
New Treatment for Sunburn
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.'
This space for rent
Got this from my mom. LOL
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if
you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day
because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a
thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought
about the Lor d and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had
changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd
never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and
then he leaned ou t of his window and screamed,
' For the love of God! '
' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up
in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it wa s probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and
gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in th e joy of the moment that they
got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I
noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through
the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before
the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after
all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wond erful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if
you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day
because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a
thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought
about the Lor d and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had
changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd
never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and
then he leaned ou t of his window and screamed,
' For the love of God! '
' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up
in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it wa s probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and
gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in th e joy of the moment that they
got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I
noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through
the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before
the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after
all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wond erful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma
Onward and Upward!
Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women
#10. You can trade an old .44 for two new .22?s.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3. A gun doesn't ask, 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'
#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
#10. You can trade an old .44 for two new .22?s.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3. A gun doesn't ask, 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'
#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN
Onward and Upward!