CHP vs. USMC
Top this for a speeding ticket
Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding
enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at
Miramar .
One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding
vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began
reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar
gun,
but it would not reset and then turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the
radar
had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low
flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a
complaint to the USMC Base Commander. The reply came back in true USMC
style:
Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this
incident.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the
Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your
hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to
it,
which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed
aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the
situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert
status and was able to override the automated defense system before the
missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at
them,
since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant
Johnson,
the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his
left
rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on
his
holster.
Thank you for your concern. Semper Fi.
Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE
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Walkinghairball
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Walkinghairball
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2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife, Robert
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5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
8. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence
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13. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
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15. Strangers Have the Best Candy
16. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
17. You Were an Accident
18. Things Rich Kids Have, but You Never Will
19. Pop! Goes the Hamster ... and Other Great Microwave Games
20. Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School
21. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey, Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife, Robert
4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
8. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. Grandpa Gets a Casket
13. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
14. Your Nightmares Are Real
15. Strangers Have the Best Candy
16. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
17. You Were an Accident
18. Things Rich Kids Have, but You Never Will
19. Pop! Goes the Hamster ... and Other Great Microwave Games
20. Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School
21. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey, Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!
Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
More Childrens' books that didn't make it:
1. Kathy Was So Bad, Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
2. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
3. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
4. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
5. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
6. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
7. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
8. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
9. Why Is Mommy Moaning?
1. Kathy Was So Bad, Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
2. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
3. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
4. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
5. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
6. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
7. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
8. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
9. Why Is Mommy Moaning?
Don't start none...won't be none.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Walkinghairball wrote:CHP vs. USMC
Top this for a speeding ticket
Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding
enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at
Miramar .
One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding
vehicles approaching the crest of a hill.
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began
reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar
gun,
but it would not reset and then turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the
radar
had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low
flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a
complaint to the USMC Base Commander. The reply came back in true USMC
style:
Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this
incident.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the
Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your
hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to
it,
which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed
aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the
situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert
status and was able to override the automated defense system before the
missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at
them,
since the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant
Johnson,
the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his
left
rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on
his
holster.
Thank you for your concern. Semper Fi.
Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE
THIS IS FUGGING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Happy 2015!
nner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it, If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
then . . . you are probably the family dog.
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it, If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
then . . . you are probably the family dog.
Onward and Upward!
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig
his tomato garden, but it was futile work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
"Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting
too old to be digging up a garden plot.
I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know
you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad"
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
"Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie"
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived,
and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the
old man received yet another letter from his son:
"Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie"
his tomato garden, but it was futile work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
"Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting
too old to be digging up a garden plot.
I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know
you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad"
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
"Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie"
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived,
and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the
old man received yet another letter from his son:
"Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie"
Don't start none...won't be none.
