I always enjoy a smile first thing in the morning
thank youssssssssssss
The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
The Naked Cowboy
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and
sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing
on but his cowboy hat, gun and boots, so he arrests him
for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks:
"Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says:
"Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road
and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor
home with her....
So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top, and asks me to pull
off my shirt....
So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants....
So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts....
So I did.
Then she gets on the bed, looks at me kind of sexy and says:
'Now go to town cowboy....'
So....HERE I AM!"
VVV
I'll be a Sonofabitch......
Blonde Men DO EXIST.
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and
sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing
on but his cowboy hat, gun and boots, so he arrests him
for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks:
"Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says:
"Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road
and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor
home with her....
So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top, and asks me to pull
off my shirt....
So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants....
So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts....
So I did.
Then she gets on the bed, looks at me kind of sexy and says:
'Now go to town cowboy....'
So....HERE I AM!"
VVV
I'll be a Sonofabitch......
Blonde Men DO EXIST.
Don't start none...won't be none.
Gotta Love Those Texans
Texas Councilman T. 'Bubba' Bechtel, a part-time City
Councilman from Midland, TX , was asked on a local live
radio talk show just what he thought of the allegations of
torture of insurgent prisoners.
His reply prompted his ejection by the left-leaning host,
but to thunderous applause from the audience.
Quote:
"If hooking up insurgents' balls to a car's battery cables
will save ONE Texas GI's life, then I have just two things to
say:
'Red is positive, black is negative.' "
Texas Councilman T. 'Bubba' Bechtel, a part-time City
Councilman from Midland, TX , was asked on a local live
radio talk show just what he thought of the allegations of
torture of insurgent prisoners.
His reply prompted his ejection by the left-leaning host,
but to thunderous applause from the audience.
Quote:
"If hooking up insurgents' balls to a car's battery cables
will save ONE Texas GI's life, then I have just two things to
say:
'Red is positive, black is negative.' "
Don't start none...won't be none.
CHINESE SICK LEAVE "I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!"
>
> Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today,
>I really sick Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
>
>
> The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you
>today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me
>sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
>
> Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I
>feel great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house"
>
> Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today,
>I really sick Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."
>
>
> The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you
>today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me
>sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
>
> Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I
>feel great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house"
Happy 2015!
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Gee, I wonder
Oh my, RUN!Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
BAD MENTAL IMAGE!
"We're dead, can't we stop now?"Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
The crime was THAT serious, eh?
Really? I'd have never thought that.War Dims Hope for Peace
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
NO WAY!
Oh, COME ON!Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
HehNew Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Mmmm...children
Thank God I graduated!Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Lesson learned: Don't hide in a freakin cemetery. You'll only join the natives.Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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Sir Myghin
- Posts: 9148
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 10:12 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
So bear goes into a bar and says to deer, "Hey deer, can I .... .. ..... .. ... ..Have a drink"
Deer looks to bear and says "why the big paws."
Poney goes up to deer and says "can you call my work for me today I am not going in today."
Deer says to poney "why can't you call work?"
Poney says "because I am a little horse"
Deer looks to bear and says "why the big paws."
Poney goes up to deer and says "can you call my work for me today I am not going in today."
Deer says to poney "why can't you call work?"
Poney says "because I am a little horse"
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Sir Myghin
- Posts: 9148
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 10:12 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
My mom passed along some wisdom:
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life,
Remember
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book.
It's called ...
"Ministers Do More Than Lay People"
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary
3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning,
One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes
Were inevitable Now, of course, there's
Shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking
The trash out, gives the impression that
He just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.
10. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
11. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life,
Remember
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book.
It's called ...
"Ministers Do More Than Lay People"
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary
3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning,
One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes
Were inevitable Now, of course, there's
Shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking
The trash out, gives the impression that
He just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.
10. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.
11. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way
Onward and Upward!
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
T4EFAN wrote:Bring it, mortal.Sir Myghin wrote:you might find yourself lame if you aren't carefulT4EFAN wrote:Lame.
*Watches from the side lines.*
*Thinks to self: "This should be over quick. Myg's fencing sword vs. AK's light saber.............................no contest, light saber wins."*
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