Political or semi-political ha ha's
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
H/T to Brian @ sixmeatbuffet.com
Obama?s Truth-telling Tour Continues Unabated
June 4th, 2009 at 8:35 pm by Brian
*transcript*
?Hello, Cleveland!? the Messiah joked as the crowd was polled and
determined to find the intro entertaining by a commanding 73%
(CNN/Gallup).
?Are you ready to rock??
The crowd then mistakenly gathered up stones in the area and started
pelting a 13 year old girl who was sexually assaulted by her 85 year old
husband.
?I got some Truth? I need to speak to my Mooslim people?s today
because we can?t have Healing (patent pending) until we?ve reconciled
the past, recognize the present and re-prioritize our future.? (ed. - said
the President as thousands of Mooslims looked on - not having any idea
that consonance and alliteration don?t mean anything if you don?t
understand the language and are having it translated).
"I come from an imperfect nation; born with the congenital birth defect of
slavery that should have been grounds for a partial-birth abortion - not
unlike that for fetuses with a port-wine stain or an annoying stuttering
habit. The seed of my nation?s violent history was sewn into it?s fabric as
George Washington raped Betsy Ross on the flag while Ben Franklin
masturbated with his own primitive, candle-powered version of the
Fleshlight in the corner and yelling out directions.
"As a constitutional law professor, and, as you may have read in one of my
many New York Times best-selling books - available right now on
Amazon.com - we learned of how Supreme Court Justice John Jay
refused to hear Roe v. Wade in favor of hearing cases about building
roads that favored big business and pollute the environment with equine
emissions. Indeed, our own violent extremism against women pales in
comparison to the strides made in the Mooslim world.
*head turn to the left*
"Dark times, my Mooslim brothers.
*head turn to the right, finger point/pinch to enunciate each word*
"Dark times for the Islamic Republic of America.
"From there, entire nations of Native Americans were wiped out by
genetically modified corn tainted with smallpox from Archer Daniels
Midland and ConAgra. Bodies buried in mass graves dug by the Cat D9's
that would later be hired by Wal-Mart to dig up those graves and move
their desecrated remains to a landfill.
"All the while, Islamic scholars were building the pyramids and landing on
the moon. Trying to show us a better way though we couldn?t see it.
And we wouldn?t hear it. We. Couldn?t. Hear. It.
"We. Weren?t. Listening.
"I know what you?re saying - how can a guy with such big ears not hear of
the Islamic advances in medicine that rid the world of polio, wooed the
West with poetry, and wrote the Book of Progress? What can I say? I
was negative 200 years old at the time - but I?m listening, now.
(hold for applause)
(Wait a little longer, don?t step on it!)
(There, that?s good. Now start back in - before they finish clapping like a
bunch of circus seals.)
"At the turn of the century, the world was in peril. Racist hillbillies clinging
to their automatic muskets and Bibles inked with the blood of Palestinian
children assassinated Archduke Ferdinand for praying to Allah and
sparked The Great War. I don?t know what was so great about it
because it seemed pretty stupid to me. A lot of people died on both
sides. Thanks alot, assholes.
"Achmoud the Great led the even greater Assyrian army into battle to quell
the West?s violence but less than a generation later America was at it
again. This time in Germany. A young man named Eric Rudolph,
poisoned by right wing (edit: short-wave) talk radio, not unlike today, set
fire to the Reichstag because he mistakenly heard from Rush Limbaugh
and Sean Hannity that women were exercising their right to choose there
and the proud, once Islamic nation of Germany was swept into the arms
of a genocidal, Christianist madman who would pollute the water table
with the burnt offerings of Zion; lost to your teachings until just this last
generation.
"Once again, Mooslims around the world were called upon to save us from
ourselves.
"Dr. Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud, father of the gracious Saudi King -
who gave me this dope gold chain, by the way - was working on
atomic power to shine the disinfecting sunlight of gamma radiation on the
feuding beasts of Crackerstan with blinding Islamic superiority. Though
the great historian Howard Zinn has absolved Dr. Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz
Al Saud the scholar from the heinous crimes of my nation, little did he
know that they would pervert his effort to produce cheap, abundant
energy for my starving ancestors in Kenya, in order to attack the
Japanese with it because they refused to learn English as a Second
Language in our concentration camps.
"God it feels good to get this off my chest...
"Do you all have anything you want to share with me as long as we?re
airing our grievances?
"No?
"Ok, then."
(to be continued - Allah willing)
Obama?s Truth-telling Tour Continues Unabated
June 4th, 2009 at 8:35 pm by Brian
*transcript*
?Hello, Cleveland!? the Messiah joked as the crowd was polled and
determined to find the intro entertaining by a commanding 73%
(CNN/Gallup).
?Are you ready to rock??
The crowd then mistakenly gathered up stones in the area and started
pelting a 13 year old girl who was sexually assaulted by her 85 year old
husband.
?I got some Truth? I need to speak to my Mooslim people?s today
because we can?t have Healing (patent pending) until we?ve reconciled
the past, recognize the present and re-prioritize our future.? (ed. - said
the President as thousands of Mooslims looked on - not having any idea
that consonance and alliteration don?t mean anything if you don?t
understand the language and are having it translated).
"I come from an imperfect nation; born with the congenital birth defect of
slavery that should have been grounds for a partial-birth abortion - not
unlike that for fetuses with a port-wine stain or an annoying stuttering
habit. The seed of my nation?s violent history was sewn into it?s fabric as
George Washington raped Betsy Ross on the flag while Ben Franklin
masturbated with his own primitive, candle-powered version of the
Fleshlight in the corner and yelling out directions.
"As a constitutional law professor, and, as you may have read in one of my
many New York Times best-selling books - available right now on
Amazon.com - we learned of how Supreme Court Justice John Jay
refused to hear Roe v. Wade in favor of hearing cases about building
roads that favored big business and pollute the environment with equine
emissions. Indeed, our own violent extremism against women pales in
comparison to the strides made in the Mooslim world.
*head turn to the left*
"Dark times, my Mooslim brothers.
*head turn to the right, finger point/pinch to enunciate each word*
"Dark times for the Islamic Republic of America.
"From there, entire nations of Native Americans were wiped out by
genetically modified corn tainted with smallpox from Archer Daniels
Midland and ConAgra. Bodies buried in mass graves dug by the Cat D9's
that would later be hired by Wal-Mart to dig up those graves and move
their desecrated remains to a landfill.
"All the while, Islamic scholars were building the pyramids and landing on
the moon. Trying to show us a better way though we couldn?t see it.
And we wouldn?t hear it. We. Couldn?t. Hear. It.
"We. Weren?t. Listening.
"I know what you?re saying - how can a guy with such big ears not hear of
the Islamic advances in medicine that rid the world of polio, wooed the
West with poetry, and wrote the Book of Progress? What can I say? I
was negative 200 years old at the time - but I?m listening, now.
(hold for applause)
(Wait a little longer, don?t step on it!)
(There, that?s good. Now start back in - before they finish clapping like a
bunch of circus seals.)
"At the turn of the century, the world was in peril. Racist hillbillies clinging
to their automatic muskets and Bibles inked with the blood of Palestinian
children assassinated Archduke Ferdinand for praying to Allah and
sparked The Great War. I don?t know what was so great about it
because it seemed pretty stupid to me. A lot of people died on both
sides. Thanks alot, assholes.
"Achmoud the Great led the even greater Assyrian army into battle to quell
the West?s violence but less than a generation later America was at it
again. This time in Germany. A young man named Eric Rudolph,
poisoned by right wing (edit: short-wave) talk radio, not unlike today, set
fire to the Reichstag because he mistakenly heard from Rush Limbaugh
and Sean Hannity that women were exercising their right to choose there
and the proud, once Islamic nation of Germany was swept into the arms
of a genocidal, Christianist madman who would pollute the water table
with the burnt offerings of Zion; lost to your teachings until just this last
generation.
"Once again, Mooslims around the world were called upon to save us from
ourselves.
"Dr. Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud, father of the gracious Saudi King -
who gave me this dope gold chain, by the way - was working on
atomic power to shine the disinfecting sunlight of gamma radiation on the
feuding beasts of Crackerstan with blinding Islamic superiority. Though
the great historian Howard Zinn has absolved Dr. Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz
Al Saud the scholar from the heinous crimes of my nation, little did he
know that they would pervert his effort to produce cheap, abundant
energy for my starving ancestors in Kenya, in order to attack the
Japanese with it because they refused to learn English as a Second
Language in our concentration camps.
"God it feels good to get this off my chest...
"Do you all have anything you want to share with me as long as we?re
airing our grievances?
"No?
"Ok, then."
(to be continued - Allah willing)
Don't start none...won't be none.
Are you a Democrat, a Republican,
or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following hypothetical situation:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children....
Suddenly, a "Muslim fanatical extremist" (Terrorist - to us non P.C. liberals)
with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams
anti-American obscenities, praises Allah, raises the Knife....and charges
at you....
You are carrying a Colt 1911 Cal .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.....
What do you do?
......................................................................
THINK CAREFULLY, THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrats' Answers:
1. Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
2. Does the man look poor or oppressed?
3. Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4. Could we run away?
5. What does my wife think? What do the kids think?
6. Could I possibly swing the gun like a club, and knock the knife out of his hand?
7. What does the law say about this situation?
8. Does my pistol have the appropriate safety built into it?
9. Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway - And what kind of message does
this send to society - and to my children?
10. Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
11. Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
12. If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while
he was stabbing me?
13. Should I call 9-1-1?
14. Why is this street so deserted?
15. We need to raise taxes, have "paint and weed day" and make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior!
16. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few
days and try to come to a consensus.
................................................................
Republicans' Answer:
BANG.
......................................................................
Rednecks' Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BANG!
***Click***
***Click***
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BANG!
***Click***
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips, or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"
Wife: "You ain't takin' THAT to the Taxidermist."
or a Redneck?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following hypothetical situation:
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children....
Suddenly, a "Muslim fanatical extremist" (Terrorist - to us non P.C. liberals)
with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams
anti-American obscenities, praises Allah, raises the Knife....and charges
at you....
You are carrying a Colt 1911 Cal .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.....
What do you do?
......................................................................
THINK CAREFULLY, THEN SCROLL DOWN:
Democrats' Answers:
1. Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
2. Does the man look poor or oppressed?
3. Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4. Could we run away?
5. What does my wife think? What do the kids think?
6. Could I possibly swing the gun like a club, and knock the knife out of his hand?
7. What does the law say about this situation?
8. Does my pistol have the appropriate safety built into it?
9. Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway - And what kind of message does
this send to society - and to my children?
10. Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
11. Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
12. If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while
he was stabbing me?
13. Should I call 9-1-1?
14. Why is this street so deserted?
15. We need to raise taxes, have "paint and weed day" and make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior!
16. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few
days and try to come to a consensus.
................................................................
Republicans' Answer:
BANG.
......................................................................
Rednecks' Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BANG!
***Click***
***Click***
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BANG!
***Click***
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips, or Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"
Wife: "You ain't takin' THAT to the Taxidermist."
Don't start none...won't be none.
Posted by Van Helsing
Here's a Moonbattery.com exclusive ? we've gotten ahold of
Mr. Transparency's suppressed White House visitors log!
Brian Williams
Charles Gibson
Katie Cupcake
Chris Matthews
Keith Olbermann
Bill Ayers
Bernardine Dohrn
Jeremiah Wright
Louis Farrakhan
Rashid Khalidi
Hugo Chavez
Satan
It's anyone's guess how many of these names are on there for real.
Here's a Moonbattery.com exclusive ? we've gotten ahold of
Mr. Transparency's suppressed White House visitors log!
Brian Williams
Charles Gibson
Katie Cupcake
Chris Matthews
Keith Olbermann
Bill Ayers
Bernardine Dohrn
Jeremiah Wright
Louis Farrakhan
Rashid Khalidi
Hugo Chavez
Satan
It's anyone's guess how many of these names are on there for real.
Don't start none...won't be none.
