By-Tor.com

^^^^^^^^^^^
LOL

Dear IRS,


I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April
15, but all is not lost.

I have paid these taxes:

Accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax,
corporate income tax, dog license tax, federal income tax,
unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting license tax, fishing license tax,
waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury
tax, Medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent
last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll
road tax, state and city sales tax, rec reational vehicle tax, state
franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax,
telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum
usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle
license registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and
gas assessment tax, Colorado property tax, Texas, Colorado, Wyoming,
Oklahoma and New Mexico sales tax, and many more that I can't recall,
but I have run out of space and money.

When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest
mistake.

Please treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangel,
Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Daschle, and of
course, your boss, Timothy Geithner. No penalties and no interest.


P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus
check.

Respectfully,

Cyg

I love it, Cygs!

Um, can I borrow that for my crap tax return?

Big Blue Owl wrote:I love it, Cygs!

Um, can I borrow that for my crap tax return?

Absoluletly Bro!

I "hijacked" it muhself!

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect
U.S. wildlife.

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient.....are now showing signs of
belonging to the Democratic Party!

They have, apparently, learned to just sit and wait for the government to
step in, and provide for their care and sustenance.

This photo is of a Democrat Black Bear in Montana nicknamed:

(Bear with me here)

BEARACK OBEARMA

<a target='_blank' title='ImageShack - Image And Video Hosting' href='http://img220.imageshack.us/my.php?imag ... .jpg'><img src='http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/7433/beary.jpg' border='0'></a>

A Laymens' Explanation of How the Stimulus Plan Will Work


Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House...
(all unionized of course.)

One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from
Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials,
$400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then
says,

"I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other
guys!

How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back,

"$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix
the fence."


"Done!" replies the government official.

^^^

har har har

Dear President Obama,

Thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments.

(You know - the ones down the street - who, in the good times, refinanced
their house several times and bought SUV's, ATV's, RV's, a pool, a 60"
big screen plasma TV, two Wave Runners and a Harley...)

But I was wondering:

Since I am paying my mortgage AND theirs, could you arrange for me to
borrow the Harley now and then?

Thanks.


Respectfully Submitted,

John Q. Public
Smalltown, USA

P.S. - They also need help with their credit cards...When do you want me
to start making those payments?

P.P.S. - I almost forgot - they didn't file their income tax return this year.

Should I go ahead and file for them - or will you be appointing
them to cabinet posts?

A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost....

She lowers her altitude, and spots a man fishing from a boat below.

She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I
would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air
balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet
above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes North latitude and
100 degrees, 49.09 minutes West longitude.

She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still
lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me."

The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you
expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position
you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

^^^^^^^^^
So real it's almost not funny! lol

we use engineer and artsy in that joke at school

Two things I saw on vehicles recently that made me chuckle at the way they expressed the opinions of the authors:

First was a bumper sticker that said, "Obama is Wright".

Second was a vehicle with a Palin sticker on it in front of which someone had written "Michael" in front of it! lol

Steelers to Lose Three Super Bowl Trophies

Pittsburgh, PA (BTP)

The Super Bowl XLIII Champion Pittsburgh Steelers, the only team to win
six titles, will soon be losing half of those trophies.

After a meeting between NFL Commissioner Rodger Gadel and President
Barack Hussein Obama, Obama decided to redistribute half of their
Steeler Super Bowl victories and trophies to less fortunate teams in the
league.

?We live everyday in the country that invented the Super Bowl.? said
Obama. ?We are not about to lose this great American tradition in the
wake of these difficult times.?

Obama?s plan calls for the Steelers, who are a successful NFL team, to
give half of their Super Bowl trophies to teams that are not successful or
have not been as successful as the Steelers. ?The Detroit Lions are just
as much a part of the same fiber of the NFL as the Steelers and they
should, no - rather, WILL be entitled to a Super Bowl Trophy as well.?

Obama explains in his plan that he has imposed on Godel and the NFL.
The Pittsburgh Steelers, who by virtue of hard work, excellent team play,
stellar draft choices, responsible investing of free agents, careful hiring of
coaches and excellent community service and commitment to their fans,
has prospered greatly during the past 30 years and have won six Super
Bowl Trophies.

But, President Barack Hussein Obama?s plan calls for the Pittsburgh
Steelers to carry the larger burden of the NFL?s less successful teams.

Obama went on to further proclaim, ?In these difficult times, we are all in
this to work together. We must reclaim the NFL Championship dream for
every team, for every city and for every fan.?

?My plan will not affect 31 of the 32 teams in the league.? Obama assures.
"That?s over 95 percent of the teams in the NFL that will not have to worry
about losing any Super Bowl trophies. The worst teams in the NFL and
the teams that can?t seem to get a break and win a championship will no
longer have to worry about going without a title.? Obama promises.

?We are a country and league of hope. We all need to make a change. It
does not matter the color of the teams' uniforms, the personal decisions
that the teams make or their performance, but rather if they are a
member of this great American league.?

The Super Bowl XLIII trophy will be redistributed to the 0-16 Detroit
Lions. Through no fault of their own incompetence, the Lions could not
manage a victory all season, and this trophy will help ease the pain of
their lack of performance and give them "hope" once again.

The "redistribution" of Super Bowl XL's trophy will go directly to the
Steelers' division rival, the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals, who also
have fallen on hard times, have never won a Super Bowl. This victory will
bring a smile to hundreds of Bengal fans all over the world, as they can
now celebrate.

Finally, one of the Steelers' two Super Bowl victories over the Dallas
Cowboys will go back to the Cowboys since the league needs to provide
"hope" in the face of difficulty, and provide "hope" in the face of
uncertainty.

This is a heavy burden for the Steelers but "together," we can all prosper.

All "hope" is not lost for Pittsburgh fans, as Barack Hussein Obama has
another plan in place.

Obama has meet with MLB and commissioner Bud Selig on a similar plan.

The New York Yankees will redistribute two of their World Series trophies
to the Pittsburgh Pirates as a supplement to their loosing 16 straight
seasons (and counting). This plan will help stimulate the Pirates and
enable them to regain the American dream.

Barack Hussein Obama will be meeting with the NHL and Michael Phelps in
the upcoming weeks, as this issue is high on his agenda for ?Hope and
Change.?

Ya know, after seeing what he has done so far, if he truly thought he could do anything he wants, this might actually happen.

No joke.

zepboy wrote:Ya know, after seeing what he has done so far, if he truly thought he could do anything he wants, this might actually happen.

No joke.

Makes you wonder, people will look at that and think, thats ludicrous, but the second you change championships to wealth and stealers to rich, they all want a piece, and they want it now. (and yes I realize that is the point entirely, I just find it silly how minor changes can make such large differences to some)