The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
"Women can't keep a secret, but they can hold a fart.
When they complain they have a headache, they just need to fart.
If you want to tell a woman a secret, tell it to her butt.
This is all why women do not bow, they curtsey.....cuz if they do bow, they will blow it."
~Gallagher~
When they complain they have a headache, they just need to fart.
If you want to tell a woman a secret, tell it to her butt.
This is all why women do not bow, they curtsey.....cuz if they do bow, they will blow it."
~Gallagher~
This space for rent
The Genie
Three guys - A Canadian mercenary (yeah..as IF) Osama bin Laden, and a Chemical Engineer cross paths in Afghanistan today.
Before a shot is fired, a genie appears. He implores them not to kill one another.
Instead, he will grant each of them ONE wish-that does not involve bombs or guns or weapons of mass destruction-which is three wishes total.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and I am fighting here to make enough money to insure that my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or American swine can infiltrate our precious state."
Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Chemical Engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
To which, the Chemical Engineer replies: "Fill it with all the world's chemical byproducts."
Three guys - A Canadian mercenary (yeah..as IF) Osama bin Laden, and a Chemical Engineer cross paths in Afghanistan today.
Before a shot is fired, a genie appears. He implores them not to kill one another.
Instead, he will grant each of them ONE wish-that does not involve bombs or guns or weapons of mass destruction-which is three wishes total.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and I am fighting here to make enough money to insure that my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or American swine can infiltrate our precious state."
Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Chemical Engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
To which, the Chemical Engineer replies: "Fill it with all the world's chemical byproducts."
Don't start none...won't be none.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes
(You MUST read them out loud)
English..........Chinese
That's not right..........................Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?............................Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP...................................Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man.........................................Dum Fuk
Small Horse.......................................Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?.....................................Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table....................................Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift.....................................Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here........................................Wao So Dim
I thought you were on a diet...............................Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone.............................................No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week.................................Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight............................................Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile........................................Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive............................................Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great..................................................Fa Kin Su Pa
(You MUST read them out loud)
English..........Chinese
That's not right..........................Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?............................Hu Yu Hai Ding
See me ASAP...................................Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man.........................................Dum Fuk
Small Horse.......................................Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?.....................................Wai Yu So Tan
I bumped into a coffee table....................................Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni
I think you need a face lift.....................................Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here........................................Wao So Dim
I thought you were on a diet...............................Wai Yu Mun Ching
This is a tow away zone.............................................No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week.................................Wai Yu Kum Nao
Staying out of sight............................................Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile........................................Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive............................................Yu Stin Ki Pu
Great..................................................Fa Kin Su Pa
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Vicious Dog Attack
Dogs Savage Everglades Alligator
(AP) At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.
The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators--normally considered the "apex predator" in it's natural eco-system--can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and "survival-of-the-fittest pack mentality"; bred into the canines over the last several hundreds of years by natural selection.
See the attached remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine.
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator--preventing it from breathing,
while the remainder of the pack prevents the beast from "death-rolling". 
(AP) At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.
The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators--normally considered the "apex predator" in it's natural eco-system--can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and "survival-of-the-fittest pack mentality"; bred into the canines over the last several hundreds of years by natural selection.
See the attached remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine.
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator--preventing it from breathing,
while the remainder of the pack prevents the beast from "death-rolling".
Don't start none...won't be none.