The Joke thread

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:43 am

I wouldnt lie about that! hehehe

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:43 am

Most women do.

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:44 am

well seen I'm not most women

awip2062 · Post by **awip2062** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:33 am

But most women lie about having one when they didn't, so the joke is off.

*raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

And, Mumsey you are DEF not most women!

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:53 am

I tell them I didnt get one so they need to do better

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:49 pm

A tad hard to please there Schu?

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:25 pm

the guy I'm with pleases me so I think I'll stick with him

CygnusX1 · Post by **CygnusX1** » Wed Mar 29, 2006 8:59 am

Golf....

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to
Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my
swing, but I think I've got that going right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I
need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then,
the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Wonder says, "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years."

Woods says, "But you're blind! How can you play golf if you
can't see?"

Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the
fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play
the ball toward him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the
caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I
play the ball toward his voice."

"But how do you putt?" asks Woods.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of
the hole and call to me with his head on the ground, and I just play
the ball toward his voice."

Woods asks, "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I
only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole."

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when
would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick a night."

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Wed Mar 29, 2006 9:17 am

I thought the punchline was gonna be ..............."DUH TIGER, I'M FREAKING BLIND!!!!!"

CygnusX1 · Post by **CygnusX1** » Wed Mar 29, 2006 9:19 am

CygnusX1 · Post by **CygnusX1** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 7:19 am

Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush are sentenced to the firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton is first placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him is given, he yells, "Earthquake!" The firing squad falls into a panic, and Bill jumps over the wall and escapes in the confusion.

Al Gore is the second one placed against the wall. The squad is reassembled and Al ponders what his old boss has done. Before the order to shoot is given, Al yells, "Tornado!" Again, the squad falls apart, and Al slips over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, is placed against the wall. He is thinking, "I see the pattern here: Just scream out a disaster...and hop over the wall!" As the firing squad is reassembled and the rifles rose in his direction, he grins and yells: "Fire!"

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:27 am

I've heard that one before but it was the old Scottish, English, Irish version

CygnusX1 · Post by **CygnusX1** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:45 am

aye, but it still has teeth, you little lass!

schuette · Post by **schuette** » Tue Apr 04, 2006 11:46 am

it certainly has

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Fri Apr 07, 2006 7:38 am

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself.