Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip
replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment,
then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for a month from then. Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever. The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.
Next time take me to a vet..
The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
-
ElfDude
- Posts: 11085
- Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 1:19 pm
- Location: In the shadows of the everlasting hills
- Contact:
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car
with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you change the spelling),
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This was sent out by a Canadian, using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization!
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car
with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on Scottish whisky,
(check the bottle before you change the spelling),
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This was sent out by a Canadian, using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization!
Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?
The Seniors Breakfast Special
**********************************
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special"
was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents
because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked
incredulously.
"YES!!" stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special then." my wife said.
"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! We've been around the block more than
once
**********************************
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special"
was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents
because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked
incredulously.
"YES!!" stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special then." my wife said.
"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! We've been around the block more than
once
Onward and Upward!
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Got this from a cousin.
A North Carolina redneck passed
Away and left his entire estate in
Trust for his beloved widow.
However, she can't touch it
Until she turns 14.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Folks in Georgia now go to
Some movies in groups of
18 or more. They were
Told 17 and under are not
Admitted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minimum drinking age in
West Virginia has been raised to
32. It seems they want to keep
Alcohol out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Mississippi, reruns of "Hee Haw"
Are called documentaries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you tell if a West Virginia
Redneck is married? There's dried
Tobacco spit on both sides of his
Pickup truck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee has a new $3,000,000
State Lottery. The winner gets $3 a
Year for a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently, the Governor's Mansion
In Little Rock burned down. In fact,
It took out the whole trailer park
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best thing to ever come out
Of Arkansas is Interstate 40.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And my very favorite.........)
An Alabama State Trooper stopped a
Pickup truck. He asked the driver,
"Got any ID?" The driver said,
"Bout what?"
A North Carolina redneck passed
Away and left his entire estate in
Trust for his beloved widow.
However, she can't touch it
Until she turns 14.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Folks in Georgia now go to
Some movies in groups of
18 or more. They were
Told 17 and under are not
Admitted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minimum drinking age in
West Virginia has been raised to
32. It seems they want to keep
Alcohol out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Mississippi, reruns of "Hee Haw"
Are called documentaries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you tell if a West Virginia
Redneck is married? There's dried
Tobacco spit on both sides of his
Pickup truck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee has a new $3,000,000
State Lottery. The winner gets $3 a
Year for a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently, the Governor's Mansion
In Little Rock burned down. In fact,
It took out the whole trailer park
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best thing to ever come out
Of Arkansas is Interstate 40.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And my very favorite.........)
An Alabama State Trooper stopped a
Pickup truck. He asked the driver,
"Got any ID?" The driver said,
"Bout what?"
Onward and Upward!
So I don't know the majority of my church family. I never go to those places.c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
Code: Select all
Tennessee has a new $3,000,000
State Lottery. The winner gets $3 a
Year for a million years***gets all teary-eyed***awip2062 wrote:Got this from a cousin.
A North Carolina redneck passed
Away and left his entire estate in
Trust for his beloved widow.
However, she can't touch it
Until she turns 14.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Folks in Georgia now go to
Some movies in groups of
18 or more. They were
Told 17 and under are not
Admitted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minimum drinking age in
West Virginia has been raised to
32. It seems they want to keep
Alcohol out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Mississippi, reruns of "Hee Haw"
Are called documentaries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you tell if a West Virginia
Redneck is married? There's dried
Tobacco spit on both sides of his
Pickup truck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee has a new $3,000,000
State Lottery. The winner gets $3 a
Year for a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently, the Governor's Mansion
In Little Rock burned down. In fact,
It took out the whole trailer park
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best thing to ever come out
Of Arkansas is Interstate 40.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And my very favorite.........)
An Alabama State Trooper stopped a
Pickup truck. He asked the driver,
"Got any ID?" The driver said,
"Bout what?"
Almost Heaven.
Don't start none...won't be none.
Dear Safety Harbor Middle School:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your
recent senior citizens luncheon.
I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted
Home for the Aged.
All of my family has passed away. I am all alone and I
want to thank you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but
before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers,
even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke
into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and...
I told her to kiss my wrinkly ass.
Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Edna
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your
recent senior citizens luncheon.
I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted
Home for the Aged.
All of my family has passed away. I am all alone and I
want to thank you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but
before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers,
even when she was napping.
The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke
into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and...
I told her to kiss my wrinkly ass.
Thank you for that opportunity.
Sincerely,
Edna
Don't start none...won't be none.
-
Orlando's LOVESLAVE
- Posts: 922
- Joined: Fri May 07, 2004 8:32 pm
- Location: Confused state of mind.
^^^^
Good one.
Here's another joke:
One evening a husband, thinking it would be being funny, said to his wife ?Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!? His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn?t let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ?What the Hell is this?? he said to himself as a small dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. ?April,? he hollered into the bathroom, ?Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear??
She replied with a snicker, ?It?s not talcum powder honey? it?s Miracle Grow!?
Good one.
Here's another joke:
One evening a husband, thinking it would be being funny, said to his wife ?Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!? His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn?t let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. ?What the Hell is this?? he said to himself as a small dust cloud appeared when he shook them out. ?April,? he hollered into the bathroom, ?Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear??
She replied with a snicker, ?It?s not talcum powder honey? it?s Miracle Grow!?