By-Tor.com

Two guys are in a supermarket when their carts collide.
Bob says, "I'm sorry, I was looking for my wife."
"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate," says Joe.
"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?" asks Bob.
Joe replies, "She's tall, with long hair, long legs, firm breasts and a magnificent backside.
What does your wife look like?" "Never mind," says Bob, "let's look for yours!"

Good one Hairball

Sir Myghin wrote:whats and essex girl>? lol

An Essex girl is a girl from Essex. Allegedly, there are somewhat lacking in both intelligence and morals.

Slaine mac Roth wrote:

Sir Myghin wrote:whats and essex girl>? lol

An Essex girl is a girl from Essex. Allegedly, there are somewhat lacking in both intelligence and morals.

Where can I get one and how much do they cost?

Me wrote:

Slaine mac Roth wrote:

Sir Myghin wrote:whats and essex girl>? lol

An Essex girl is a girl from Essex. Allegedly, there are somewhat lacking in both intelligence and morals.

Where can I get one and how much do they cost?

Essex and, from what I hear, a bag of chips (English definition).

Drunken Driver
You've been down too long at the local bar
Now you're driving your car

Drive your Chevy
You ignore the lines painted on the street
Don't you see the light's not green

Gonna die today
Drunken Driver

Broken windshield
Now your face is deformed and it's black and blue
Because your face went straight through

Die by the morning
You went and wrapped your car ?round a street light
Found left arm but not the right

Gonna die today- die today

Under the rubber tires
There's your body cold as steel
The dead they never cry
Now you're just a buzzard's meal

Drunken Driver
I found your lips in my front yard
But no organ donor card

Totaled your Chevy
Now it's at the dump in a big trash heap
Not one part was good to keep

Drunken Driver
So how did it feel when your body burned?
Too late for you to learn

Drunken Driver
So how did it feel when you lost your life?
I think that I'll date your wife

Drunken Driver
Not a survivor
Can't find your spleen

http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/dio2.shtml

Hello,


Help!

"Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"

"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."

"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, he says, "that tooth has to come out. I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain and I'll be back in a few minutes."
The man grabs the doc's arm, "No way. I hate needles I'm not having any shot!"
So the dentist says, "okay, we'll have to go with the gas."
The man replies, "absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I'm not having gas."
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, "here," he says. "Take this pill."
The man asks "What is it?"
The doc replies, "Viagra."
The man looks surprised, "will that kill the pain?" he asks.
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth!"

Nice one hairy

This one will only appeal to those who have been following the Euro 2004 championships.

The English have finally proved they're better lovers than the French by staying on top for 90 minutes and still managing to come second.

HAR, HAR, HAR, HAR..............L-M-F-M-A-O !!!!!
You absoultely slayed me with that Slaine.
No shit, f-ing funny.

Good one Slaine mac Roth a universal crack me up!

What did Wellington and Westminster Abbey have in common?

The SOUP....

Sometimes the jokes on Me

So this woman is out playing golf and gets stung by a bee. She go's into the pro shop to complain. "Hey I just got stung by a bee", says the woman. "Where did you get stung maam", say's the golf pro. "Between the first and second hole." "Oh, well that explains it', say's the golf pro. "Your stance is too wide".

Slaine mac Roth wrote:

Me wrote:

Slaine mac Roth wrote: An Essex girl is a girl from Essex. Allegedly, there are somewhat lacking in both intelligence and morals.

Where can I get one and how much do they cost?

Essex and, from what I hear, a bag of chips (English definition).

so these are similar to dumb blonde jokes?

Sir Myghin wrote:

Slaine mac Roth wrote:

Me wrote:Where can I get one and how much do they cost?

Essex and, from what I hear, a bag of chips (English definition).

so these are similar to dumb blonde jokes?

Not quite. Essex girl jokes go way, way way beyond dumb blonde jokes and are aimed more at the lack of morality.

For example: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?

If you dump your load in a washing machine it doesn't follow you round for three weeks.

Slaine mac Roth wrote:

Sir Myghin wrote:

Slaine mac Roth wrote: Essex and, from what I hear, a bag of chips (English definition).

so these are similar to dumb blonde jokes?

Not quite. Essex girl jokes go way, way way beyond dumb blonde jokes and are aimed more at the lack of morality.

For example: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?

If you dump your load in a washing machine it doesn't follow you round for three weeks.

I had a girl like that here in America LMAO I missed that viagra dentist joke first time around crack me up.

There was 10 wanabe priests and the monsignor was putting them through a test if they pass they become fully ordained priests. He had them all strip down and tie a bell on their penis while he marched two naked gorgeous woman past and if he heard a bell ring that person was gone. The gorgeous woman strutted their stuff and the monsignor heard a bell go off and he said that's it your out of here. On his way out the bell fell off and when he bent over to pick it up, nine bell went off.