The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Bear Hunting Trip
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear
hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots
it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned
around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad
mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear has his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex. Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.
Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear
hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots
it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned
around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad
mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear has his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex. Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.
Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Subject: How to Save the Airlines
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace
all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers. What the hell! The
attendants have gotten old and haggard looking. They don't even serve food
anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol
sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every
businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus
saving even more money. Hell, I suspect tips would be so good that we could
charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including
lap dances and "special services." Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes
for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and
the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win
situation if we handle it right--a golden opportunity to turn a liability into
an asset. Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do
everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace
all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers. What the hell! The
attendants have gotten old and haggard looking. They don't even serve food
anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol
sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every
businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus
saving even more money. Hell, I suspect tips would be so good that we could
charge the women for working and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including
lap dances and "special services." Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes
for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and
the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win
situation if we handle it right--a golden opportunity to turn a liability into
an asset. Why the hell didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do
everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are.
The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, "Let me tell you how
tough I am."
"I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and
bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and
he tosses down another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "You think that's tough? When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's cocaine." With
that he throws down another shot and slams his shotglass on the bar.
The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to
say for himself.
He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the
door. His buddies look at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"
The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this shit, I need to get home
to fuck the cat."
The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, "Let me tell you how
tough I am."
"I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and
bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and
he tosses down another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "You think that's tough? When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's cocaine." With
that he throws down another shot and slams his shotglass on the bar.
The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to
say for himself.
He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the
door. His buddies look at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"
The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this shit, I need to get home
to fuck the cat."
I don't have faith in faith, I don't believe in belief, You can call me faithless, I still cling to hope, And I believe in love, And that's faith enough for me... Neil Peart
good one!TWENTY DOLLARS
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest, totalling nearly $1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits (issued by the bank) which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied - and these were the results of her savings and investments!
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally, he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all of MY business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, some guys just don't know when to keep their big mouths shut.
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest, totalling nearly $1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits (issued by the bank) which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied - and these were the results of her savings and investments!
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally, he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all of MY business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, some guys just don't know when to keep their big mouths shut.
Don't start none...won't be none.