The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Soup4Rush wrote:the sign on the wall says hand jobs $10, cheese sandwichs $1. A man walks in, looks at the waitress and says "Are you the one giving the hand jobs?" to which her reply was "yes". and he says "well wash yo hands and fix me a cheese sammich"
DANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Awesome.
This space for rent
LOLSoup4Rush wrote:the sign on the wall says hand jobs $10, cheese sandwichs $1. A man walks in, looks at the waitress and says "Are you the one giving the hand jobs?" to which her reply was "yes". and he says "well wash yo hands and fix me a cheese sammich"
Is that real cheese or processed =?
When evil is allowed to compete with good, evil has an emotional populist appeal that wins out unless good men & women stand as a vanguard against abuse.
They were alone together in the house.
Just the two of them.
It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly
and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and
wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her
from the storm.
She wanted that...more than anything!
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union, and
expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on...as did their growing passion.
There came a moment when each knew that they had to be together.
They knew it was wrong... Their families would never understand...
So consumed were they in their passion--that they heard no opening
of doors...just the faint click of a camera.....
VVV
VVV
VVV
VVV
VVV
Just the two of them.
It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly
and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.
She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and
wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her
from the storm.
She wanted that...more than anything!
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out... She screamed...
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union, and
expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on...as did their growing passion.
There came a moment when each knew that they had to be together.
They knew it was wrong... Their families would never understand...
So consumed were they in their passion--that they heard no opening
of doors...just the faint click of a camera.....
VVV
VVV
VVV
VVV
VVV
Don't start none...won't be none.
A distinguished young woman--on a flight from Switzerland--said to the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair remover that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.".......Next!"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair remover that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.".......Next!"
Don't start none...won't be none.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Eighteen months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to
try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse,
GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as
LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
"Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware
program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system,
forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to
run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover
that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage
to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fianc?e 1.0, only to discover that
this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0
tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with
FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2003.
"Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very
unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months
later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary,
Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and
Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess
what the problem is.
"Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be
reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes
that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted
to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation.
"Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often
crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-In-Law,
which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress
2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the
fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your
Money before uninstalling itself."
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to
try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse,
GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as
LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
"Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware
program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system,
forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to
run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover
that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage
to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fianc?e 1.0, only to discover that
this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0
tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with
FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2003.
"Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very
unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months
later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary,
Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and
Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess
what the problem is.
"Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be
reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes
that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted
to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation.
"Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often
crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-In-Law,
which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress
2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the
fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your
Money before uninstalling itself."
Bassist of Joe's Band
