WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their
asses. I thought the results were pretty interesting:
>>>
25% of women think their ass is too fat...
10% of women think their ass is too skinny...
The other 65% say that they don't care; they love him, he's a good
man, and they would have married him anyway...
The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
FASTER EMERGENCY ROOM SERVICE!!!
The other day, I had to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I went to the Army-Navy store, and bought some OD pants and a shirt.
Then I sewed a couple of patches on, which I grabbed from the internet....
It was amazing how many people left as I walked in!
I guess they suddenly decided they weren't that sick after all... 
Here is the patch that you can sew on your clothing if you are in need of quicker emergency room service:
The other day, I had to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I went to the Army-Navy store, and bought some OD pants and a shirt.
Then I sewed a couple of patches on, which I grabbed from the internet....
It was amazing how many people left as I walked in!
I guess they suddenly decided they weren't that sick after all...
Here is the patch that you can sew on your clothing if you are in need of quicker emergency room service:
Don't start none...won't be none.
3
*IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by
cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. This one
was from Kingman, KS.
*______________________________
*IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had
iceberg. This was in Jackson Mississippi
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate
when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your
baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was
without my knowledge, How would I know?" He smiled knowingly and
nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's
safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the
buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the
light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind
people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita,
KS
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear
co-worker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our
manager commented cheerfully, this is fun. We should do this mor e
often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other
with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.This was a bunch at Texas
Instruments.
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her
power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the
Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been
locked in it. We went to the service department and found a
mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As
I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to
the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know I
already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in
Canton, Mississippi!
**They walk among us . AND REPRODUCE!!!
*IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by
cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. This one
was from Kingman, KS.
*______________________________
*IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had
iceberg. This was in Jackson Mississippi
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate
when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your
baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was
without my knowledge, How would I know?" He smiled knowingly and
nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's
safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the
buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the
light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind
people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita,
KS
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear
co-worker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our
manager commented cheerfully, this is fun. We should do this mor e
often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other
with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.This was a bunch at Texas
Instruments.
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her
power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the
Dallas County Sheriff's office no less.
*______________________________
*IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been
locked in it. We went to the service department and found a
mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As
I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to
the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know I
already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in
Canton, Mississippi!
**They walk among us . AND REPRODUCE!!!
When evil is allowed to compete with good, evil has an emotional populist appeal that wins out unless good men & women stand as a vanguard against abuse.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man re aches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your
pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man re aches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your
pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
This space for rent
BALLS DEFINED
>>
>>We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
>>the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
>>definition for each is listed below
>>
>>GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
>>assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
>>still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
>>
>>BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
>>perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
>>and
>>having the balls to say: "You're next."
>>
>>We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
>>the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
>>definition for each is listed below
>>
>>GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
>>assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
>>still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
>>
>>BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
>>perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
>>and
>>having the balls to say: "You're next."
Happy 2015!