When a woman wears leather clothing,
A man's heart beats quicker,
His throat gets dry,
He gets weak in the knees, and
he begins to think irrationally...
Ever wonder why?
*Because she smells like a new truck!*
The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
A Leeds Fan, a Liverpool fan and a Manc fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Leeds fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Leeds fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done. The scouser was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my dress" But even two pillows & 1 dress could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
The Manc was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The manc replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.
"Please tie the Scouser to my back."
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Leeds fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Leeds fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done. The scouser was next up and after watching the scene, said:" Please fix two pillows on my back, under my dress" But even two pillows & 1 dress could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
The Manc was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world, your city has some of the best bars, nightclubs and restaurants in Europe, your city and football team is known throughout the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The manc replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheikh asks.
"Please tie the Scouser to my back."
This space for rent
WASHINGTON, D.C. - A White House source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the Nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney.
The source was quoted to say, "All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another, and Cheney actually had the guts to do it."
In a related story, the Virginia Department of Game and Inland Fisheries,
which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters
wishing to bag a lawyer to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting
license.
Currently, Virginia hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting fowl,
deer and bear, at a cost of $15 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long.
The department further stated that, although the "lawyers stamp" comes at a hefty price, sales have been brisk, and it is believed it will generate
annual revenues in excess of $3 billion the first year.
Other states are considering similar hunting license stamps.
The source was quoted to say, "All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another, and Cheney actually had the guts to do it."
In a related story, the Virginia Department of Game and Inland Fisheries,
which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters
wishing to bag a lawyer to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting
license.
Currently, Virginia hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting fowl,
deer and bear, at a cost of $15 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long.
The department further stated that, although the "lawyers stamp" comes at a hefty price, sales have been brisk, and it is believed it will generate
annual revenues in excess of $3 billion the first year.
Other states are considering similar hunting license stamps.
Don't start none...won't be none.
you gotta check this out! (Mini) Michael Jackson at:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... michael+ja
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... michael+ja
Don't start none...won't be none.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.