The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was
the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain "Because I run all the body's
systems, so without
me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all
over so without me
you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give
all of you
energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever
it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see
where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste
removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a
huff, he shut down
tight.
terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes
got watery, and theblood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should
be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge !!
the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain "Because I run all the body's
systems, so without
me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all
over so without me
you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give
all of you
energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever
it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see
where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste
removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a
huff, he shut down
tight.
terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes
got watery, and theblood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should
be the boss.
The Moral of the story?
The asshole is usually in charge !!
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
I Owe My Mother
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11 My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."!
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
way."
19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me"
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite: 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
That's why MOTHERS RULE!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11 My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."!
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
way."
19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me"
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite: 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
That's why MOTHERS RULE!
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig.
The poor little guy starts crying. "Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver.
"I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs.
"I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance.
I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab!
At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."
The poor little guy starts crying. "Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver.
"I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs.
"I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance.
I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab!
At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."
This space for rent