The Joke thread

Me · Post by Me » Mon Oct 24, 2005 9:49 am

Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park
bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

Bless her heart.

Me · Post by Me » Mon Oct 24, 2005 1:54 pm

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?

Brace yourself; this is going to hurt.

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"

Sounds to me like she's been "sweeping" around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me · Post by Me » Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:34 am

http://www.license.shorturl.com.

awip2062 · Post by **awip2062** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 1:25 pm

I dunno what the joke is, I looked you up, Me, and the picture was yours!

*wink*

Just kidding. That was a funny link.

Middle Kingdom · Post by **Middle Kingdom** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 2:14 pm

That one came aorund work toda.
What a coincedence.

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 6:22 pm

Ten Top Things That Sound Dirty At The Office, But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before you leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!
5. HMMMMMMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid.
4. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there.

digitalrushdude · Post by **digitalrushdude** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 6:31 pm

i know a couple of jokes, but they are extremely racist, im not sure if i want to post them or not

Panacea · Post by **Panacea** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:23 pm

Nope, ya don't want to post them! I'm saying this both as a moderator and as your mother. We're gonna have a little talk, too. Be prepared!

awip2062 · Post by **awip2062** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 11:09 am

You go Sis! A mom has to pull rank sometimes.

awip2062 · Post by **awip2062** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 11:39 am

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town, which he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too!"

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Tue Nov 01, 2005 7:24 pm

One word...................5 letters............. SNARF!

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 6:50 am

Two fellas from rural Minnesota walked into a pet shop in Minneapolis. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.
The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of the big cliffs by a lake. At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the
100-foot drop and says: "Dis looks like a grand place."
He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "Dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."
BUT WAIT!!!! There's MORE!
PART TWO:
Moments later, Knut arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.
"Hey, Ole. Watch dis," Knut says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the
cliff. Ole watches as half way down, Knut takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Knut continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."
BUT WAIT!!!! There's MORE!
PART THREE:
Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag out of which he pulls a chicken. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs holds it over his head and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock
and breaks his spine. Once more, Ole shakes his head.....

"First der was Sven with his budgie jumping.... den Knut
parrotshooting.... and now Lars is hengliding!"

digitalrushdude · Post by **digitalrushdude** » Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:57 pm

ROFLOL!!!!!!!!

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Mon Nov 07, 2005 7:17 pm

See, I do have clean jokes.....................................once in a while.

awip2062 · Post by **awip2062** » Tue Nov 08, 2005 2:27 pm

LOL Of course you do. You aren't totally perverted. You are a good poppa.