The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
This is really, really, really funny and safe don't worry...time to wake up!
Even tho' the top wording is in German . Look at the photos and try to find the 3 errors .
. Once you see the first error place your
mouse over it and click , so on with the other two .[hint;) first look at the right one ] Enjoy.
MARTT
The message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments:
**>>>>Shortcut to: http://fun.drno.de/flash/find_the_three_erros.swf
Even tho' the top wording is in German . Look at the photos and try to find the 3 errors .
. Once you see the first error place your
mouse over it and click , so on with the other two .[hint;) first look at the right one ] Enjoy.
MARTT
The message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments:
**>>>>Shortcut to: http://fun.drno.de/flash/find_the_three_erros.swf
When evil is allowed to compete with good, evil has an emotional populist appeal that wins out unless good men & women stand as a vanguard against abuse.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
This is for the red neck By-Tor 
Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
You have a relative living in your garage.
Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
None of the tires on your van are the same size.
You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.
Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.
You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
Starting your car involves popping the hood.
Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
You whistle at women in church.
You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
If you've ever fixed a broken coil primary wire on a car with a safety pin off your date's bra strap, and didn't think the date was unusual.
If you've got a matching set of salad bowls that all say "cool whip" on them.
If you take the Christmas lights on the front porch down in November, and only long enough to get them working again.
You've ever used duct tape to repair dental work.
You've unstopped a sink with a shotgun.
Your will states your wife can't touch your money 'til she's fourteen.
You have to pass through a metal detector to get to a family reunion.
Your coffee table is also a cooler!
Your mailing address includes the word "holler".
The first time you ever saw your wife in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.
You've sold a car to settle a bar tab.
The best sofa you ever had came out of a Chevrolet.
You've ever used your bathtub as a punch bowl.
If you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
If you have ever used a barstool as a wa lker. .
Your standard of living improves when you go camping.
Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.
You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.
You have a relative living in your garage.
Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.
You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.
None of the tires on your van are the same size.
You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.
Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.
Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.
Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.
Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.
You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.
Starting your car involves popping the hood.
Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.
You whistle at women in church.
You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.
You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.
If you've ever fixed a broken coil primary wire on a car with a safety pin off your date's bra strap, and didn't think the date was unusual.
If you've got a matching set of salad bowls that all say "cool whip" on them.
If you take the Christmas lights on the front porch down in November, and only long enough to get them working again.
You've ever used duct tape to repair dental work.
You've unstopped a sink with a shotgun.
Your will states your wife can't touch your money 'til she's fourteen.
You have to pass through a metal detector to get to a family reunion.
Your coffee table is also a cooler!
Your mailing address includes the word "holler".
The first time you ever saw your wife in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.
You've sold a car to settle a bar tab.
The best sofa you ever had came out of a Chevrolet.
You've ever used your bathtub as a punch bowl.
If you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
If you have ever used a barstool as a wa lker. .
When evil is allowed to compete with good, evil has an emotional populist appeal that wins out unless good men & women stand as a vanguard against abuse.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students: "If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: Wait a minute. I'm going for a piss.
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Johnny replied: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet. I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word 'toilet' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Charlie says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner."
The teacher passed out.
Mike replies: Wait a minute. I'm going for a piss.
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Johnny replied: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet. I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word 'toilet' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Charlie says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner."
The teacher passed out.
This space for rent
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3 travelers
- Posts: 2271
- Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2004 2:43 pm
- Location: brooklyn, ny
LOL...Walkinghairball wrote:During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students: "If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: Wait a minute. I'm going for a piss.
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Johnny replied: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet. I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word 'toilet' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Charlie says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner."
The teacher passed out.
Although, I prefer...
"Listen, honey.... I'm goin' to take a squeege...."
LEMME SHOW YA SUMTHIN....!!!!
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
FLAT TARR (people from the South will understand this.)
There was this fellow from Texas who had a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down
the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers, and proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.The man replied, "I have a flat tarr."
In response the passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither."
More car troubles
Lena's car breaks down on the Highway 8 just outside of Lindstrom one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the trunk jump two men: Lars and Sven, in trench coats, who stand at the rear of the vehicle where they are facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, this causes one of the worst pileups in history of the highway. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward Lena's vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "Ya, vell my car broke down," says Lena, calmly. "Okay, so what are these perverts doing here by the road?" asks the cop. And Lena replied, "Vell, officer....... dose are my emergency flashers!"
There was this fellow from Texas who had a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down
the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers, and proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.The man replied, "I have a flat tarr."
In response the passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither."
More car troubles
Lena's car breaks down on the Highway 8 just outside of Lindstrom one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the trunk jump two men: Lars and Sven, in trench coats, who stand at the rear of the vehicle where they are facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats, exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, this causes one of the worst pileups in history of the highway. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward Lena's vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "Ya, vell my car broke down," says Lena, calmly. "Okay, so what are these perverts doing here by the road?" asks the cop. And Lena replied, "Vell, officer....... dose are my emergency flashers!"
When evil is allowed to compete with good, evil has an emotional populist appeal that wins out unless good men & women stand as a vanguard against abuse.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either use it or throw it over her shoulder.
Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?".
Becky explained, "When I pull out a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, so I throw them away".
Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!".
Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?".
Becky explained, "When I pull out a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end, so I throw them away".
Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!".
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
