And dial-up is better than no connection at all!.
Comfort Album
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Kares4Rush
- Posts: 3191
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 9:31 am
- Location: New York
Ogg, hang in there. You've given us all so much on the board. Let us have a chance to give back if we can. If the internet connection is tenuous because of a financial responsibility then toss out the couch purchase for a computer and sit on the floor. Peanut butter and jelly tastes OK too.
And dial-up is better than no connection at all!.
And dial-up is better than no connection at all!.
Freeze this moment a little bit longer...
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3 travelers
- Posts: 2271
- Joined: Thu Jul 01, 2004 2:43 pm
- Location: brooklyn, ny
What Kares said..... nuthin wrong with PB and J.....Kares4Rush wrote:Ogg, hang in there. You've given us all so much on the board. Let us have a chance to give back if we can. If the internet connection is tenuous because of a financial responsibility then toss out the couch purchase for a computer and sit on the floor. Peanut butter and jelly tastes OK too.
And dial-up is better than no connection at all!.
LEMME SHOW YA SUMTHIN....!!!!
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ElfDude
- Posts: 11085
- Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 1:19 pm
- Location: In the shadows of the everlasting hills
- Contact:
Oh geez. I just found this thread. I am so sorry to read this, mate. My divorce and the year that preceded it was something that I wouldn't wish on ANYONE. I'm right there with you and completely understand the pain you're suffering.
In my case there was indeed a third party involved (she went for someone 13 years younger than herself), so in addition to being crushed by my wife there was a kid out there that I wanted to beat within an inch of his life (not kill him... he had to stay here and suffer like the rest of us). But with these circumstances, SHE was the one who had to move out as parenting was driving her crazy.
But enough about me. I can't lie to you, you're going to keep on going through pain so intense that you wonder why it isn't killing you for a while, but it's not a long while. The pain eases. I'm glad your kids are on the older side. Mine weren't, and I hate seeing the hurt in their little faces. But they're surviving, as am I. The intense pain will pass. You may never be completely over it, but in a year you'll be able to feel peace again from time to time... maybe even sooner. A year after that you'll be pretty close to normal. Just beware of the pitfalls along the way like drugs, alcohol, stupid relationships you shouldn't have gotten into, etc. Neil warns about those (and even battles with 'em a little) in Ghost Rider, as well as giving some great advice. If you haven't read it I'd really recommend it.
In the meantime you have us to talk to. We're with you.
Oh man, my heart really goes out to you. I SO understand what you're going through. We'll get through it together, okay?
In my case there was indeed a third party involved (she went for someone 13 years younger than herself), so in addition to being crushed by my wife there was a kid out there that I wanted to beat within an inch of his life (not kill him... he had to stay here and suffer like the rest of us). But with these circumstances, SHE was the one who had to move out as parenting was driving her crazy.
But enough about me. I can't lie to you, you're going to keep on going through pain so intense that you wonder why it isn't killing you for a while, but it's not a long while. The pain eases. I'm glad your kids are on the older side. Mine weren't, and I hate seeing the hurt in their little faces. But they're surviving, as am I. The intense pain will pass. You may never be completely over it, but in a year you'll be able to feel peace again from time to time... maybe even sooner. A year after that you'll be pretty close to normal. Just beware of the pitfalls along the way like drugs, alcohol, stupid relationships you shouldn't have gotten into, etc. Neil warns about those (and even battles with 'em a little) in Ghost Rider, as well as giving some great advice. If you haven't read it I'd really recommend it.
In the meantime you have us to talk to. We're with you.
Oh man, my heart really goes out to you. I SO understand what you're going through. We'll get through it together, okay?
Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?
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happysmilies007
- Posts: 1564
- Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:57 am
- Location: out in the boondocks
wow, Ogg..that is so tough, i'm sure.
it's hard to look into the future and examine what kind of person your girlfriend will be in 15 years, so just a reminder that it's not your fault in the least. people do grow apart over the years, and with all the divorces that go on these days, i think you should be proud of a successful 15 year marriage.
don't delete this post. if you do, i'll just create another one so that we can still provide sympathy for you..and you won't be able to delete it!!
many hugs to Ogg & his children,
carolynn
ps -- 3, don't think i won't edit them!!
it's hard to look into the future and examine what kind of person your girlfriend will be in 15 years, so just a reminder that it's not your fault in the least. people do grow apart over the years, and with all the divorces that go on these days, i think you should be proud of a successful 15 year marriage.
don't delete this post. if you do, i'll just create another one so that we can still provide sympathy for you..and you won't be able to delete it!!
many hugs to Ogg & his children,
carolynn
ps -- 3, don't think i won't edit them!!
"What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess." --Ryan Stiles .. brought to you by the letter 3!
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happysmilies007
- Posts: 1564
- Joined: Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:57 am
- Location: out in the boondocks
more hugs to give out to Elfie too .. geez, dude, that's rough. it's good to know you're doing better now!
ginormous hugs to Ogg, Elfie, & their children!
carolynn
ginormous hugs to Ogg, Elfie, & their children!
carolynn
"What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess." --Ryan Stiles .. brought to you by the letter 3!
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EndlesslyRocking
- Posts: 722
- Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2004 2:08 pm
- Location: California
Thanks Elfie and my heartfelt sentiment returned.Oh man, my heart really goes out to you. I SO understand what you're going through. We'll get through it together, okay?
It's a bummer I know but I have no choice but to get on with it. My son is 11 and devastated but I will be living close to him and that is simply brilliant
. I've done all I can not to leave but I cant compete with a martial art/fitness/middle-age crisis obsession, sigh. Who uttered the immortal line 'I want to be alone'?Lol, I have my own pc (as does my son) so I will sort out another broadband connection but I have other priorities. Dial up with have to suffice, by-tor and msn at least. Downloading withdrawel but I have friends who have promised to download anything I ask of them
.I rarely drink so no danger there either. Another jouney, unrequested of course. I'll get there in the end.
I would seriously wish to thank you all for your kind words. I will be deleting this as soon as my gratitude is shared. Thankyou.
Right, back to posting
.Sorry, last thing, listening to a promo of the new 'Saxon' album 'Lionheart'. It's not bad actually. The deafmetal chap wopuld like it
Damn you Elfie! I want to close this down before I use it for therapy.
Can't eat, can't sleep. The old cliche but my heart is truly broken. The worst thing is that I'm still here at 'home' until I finalise my new flat (apartment, lol), the casual indifference of the woman chills my bones. It's a hard ride at the moment.
Being a postman I obviously deliver parcels, only this morning a customer was extoling the virtues of ebay for early christmas presents. This got me thinking of xmas and the horror of facing the festive season without my family for the first time in 15 years. Shudder.
I have to delete this or else I'll go on and on...and one's decent into insanity should be kept private.
I want to close this down before I use it for therapy.Can't eat, can't sleep. The old cliche but my heart is truly broken. The worst thing is that I'm still here at 'home' until I finalise my new flat (apartment, lol), the casual indifference of the woman chills my bones. It's a hard ride at the moment.
Being a postman I obviously deliver parcels, only this morning a customer was extoling the virtues of ebay for early christmas presents. This got me thinking of xmas and the horror of facing the festive season without my family for the first time in 15 years. Shudder.
I have to delete this or else I'll go on and on...and one's decent into insanity should be kept private.
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ElfDude
- Posts: 11085
- Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 1:19 pm
- Location: In the shadows of the everlasting hills
- Contact:
Yeah, I remember the can't eat can't sleep thing. I lost 40 lbs. in two months (gained it all back since though 
). When I finally did get to sleep I'd just have nightmares. Then I'd wake up in the wee hours of the morning and for a split second have that feeling of relief at the realization that it was just a dream. But then it would hit me that reality was worse than the dream I'd just had. It was terrible. But, if you're like me, this phase will pass within' three or four months. That's not that long when you think about it.
No question about it, this Christmas will be awful. I remember discovering why the suicide rate skyrockets at Christmastime. Neil writes about trying to stick it out in Mexico and Belize until after Dec. 25th. He'd been away from home on the motorcycle for over four months and really wanted to go home, but couldn't face his empty house at Christmas. So he stayed in Central America until Christmas was over (spent that day riding from Belize towards Mexico City I think). As soon as Christmas was over, he dropped the bike off at the BMW service center there and grabbed a plane home.
I didn't have that kind of luxury. I was here in a broken home. You'll be in an appartment near home. But it sounds like your kids love you. If for right now you can focus on the tasks at hand and being supportive and loving to your kids, you'll survive. And you can dump on us here all you need/desire. You don't have to edit anything or delete anything. None of us will think any the less of you. I think I speak for the whole gang when I say we want so badly to help, yet feel so powerless to help, since most of us are so far away from you. So we WELCOME you dumping and venting and saying whatever you wish. We WANT to be here for you, okay?
As to survival, it's worth it. You know how when you stub your toe, it hurts so badly. But in a few minutes the pain subsides and it feels so good not to be hurting anymore. You don't feel better than you did an hour previosuly... maybe even a tiny bit worse... but it feels to good that the pain subsided. If you can survive the next few months, the feeling of relief when the pain begins to subside will really make a difference in your life. Thoughts of the future will start to become bearable, and little by little you'll start finding things that you can look forward to.
Speaking of that, are you going to be able to see Rush this fall?
And if I'm going on too much, please tell me to stop, okay?
). When I finally did get to sleep I'd just have nightmares. Then I'd wake up in the wee hours of the morning and for a split second have that feeling of relief at the realization that it was just a dream. But then it would hit me that reality was worse than the dream I'd just had. It was terrible. But, if you're like me, this phase will pass within' three or four months. That's not that long when you think about it.No question about it, this Christmas will be awful. I remember discovering why the suicide rate skyrockets at Christmastime. Neil writes about trying to stick it out in Mexico and Belize until after Dec. 25th. He'd been away from home on the motorcycle for over four months and really wanted to go home, but couldn't face his empty house at Christmas. So he stayed in Central America until Christmas was over (spent that day riding from Belize towards Mexico City I think). As soon as Christmas was over, he dropped the bike off at the BMW service center there and grabbed a plane home.
I didn't have that kind of luxury. I was here in a broken home. You'll be in an appartment near home. But it sounds like your kids love you. If for right now you can focus on the tasks at hand and being supportive and loving to your kids, you'll survive. And you can dump on us here all you need/desire. You don't have to edit anything or delete anything. None of us will think any the less of you. I think I speak for the whole gang when I say we want so badly to help, yet feel so powerless to help, since most of us are so far away from you. So we WELCOME you dumping and venting and saying whatever you wish. We WANT to be here for you, okay?
As to survival, it's worth it. You know how when you stub your toe, it hurts so badly. But in a few minutes the pain subsides and it feels so good not to be hurting anymore. You don't feel better than you did an hour previosuly... maybe even a tiny bit worse... but it feels to good that the pain subsided. If you can survive the next few months, the feeling of relief when the pain begins to subside will really make a difference in your life. Thoughts of the future will start to become bearable, and little by little you'll start finding things that you can look forward to.
Speaking of that, are you going to be able to see Rush this fall?
And if I'm going on too much, please tell me to stop, okay?
Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?
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ElfDude
- Posts: 11085
- Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 1:19 pm
- Location: In the shadows of the everlasting hills
- Contact:
P.S. The reason I keep talking about what I went through is not so that anyone here will feel sorry for me. I'm not seeking pity.
When I was going through it, a distant friend who'd had an experience like mine (only his wife got PREGNANT from the other guy) found me and started helping me through it. I really appreciated it when he'd tell me about what he went through. I felt like somebody really did understand... that my feelings weren't unique. And what's more, he'd survived, so maybe I could too.
So, Ogg, if you want me to keep on with posts like these to you, I will. If you're not like me and they make things worse, just let me know.
Again, please feel free to share whatever you're going through with us. We can take it.
When I was going through it, a distant friend who'd had an experience like mine (only his wife got PREGNANT from the other guy) found me and started helping me through it. I really appreciated it when he'd tell me about what he went through. I felt like somebody really did understand... that my feelings weren't unique. And what's more, he'd survived, so maybe I could too.
So, Ogg, if you want me to keep on with posts like these to you, I will. If you're not like me and they make things worse, just let me know.
Again, please feel free to share whatever you're going through with us. We can take it.
Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?
Youre ok Elfling. Fire away mate. We'll probably be the only two left in here soon, lol.
What suprises me the most is the fact that even now, at 37, I find myself ill equipped to deal with this. I'm finding it so hard to keep a lid on the damn hurt and it's still early days. I'm guessing there will be more pain to come before the healing begins. I'm attempting to replace hurt with anger. I must have some resolve lying around somewhere?
Dont want to go on too much and of course I contributed my fair share to this fine mess. The moral of my story is one of neglect. The distance between us grew and grew,both being independant people we were soon leading seperate lives. We've allways afforded each other space to do our own thing. I encouraged her ambitions and supported her obsession with all things martial arts, soon she was training 3 4 5 now 6 days/ nights a week. Mercifully their is no third party but to be told that her training is more important than our marriage simply killed me. All because I finally began to question her comittment. Life is a bitch.
I'm playing alot of RUSH. It truly lifts me.
''Oh salvation
Oh salvation
I wasn't praying for magic
I was hiding in plain sight
Rising up from the surface
To fly into the light'' The 'Oh Salvation' line cuts me up. Told you I was goign insane.
What suprises me the most is the fact that even now, at 37, I find myself ill equipped to deal with this. I'm finding it so hard to keep a lid on the damn hurt and it's still early days. I'm guessing there will be more pain to come before the healing begins. I'm attempting to replace hurt with anger. I must have some resolve lying around somewhere?
Dont want to go on too much and of course I contributed my fair share to this fine mess. The moral of my story is one of neglect. The distance between us grew and grew,both being independant people we were soon leading seperate lives. We've allways afforded each other space to do our own thing. I encouraged her ambitions and supported her obsession with all things martial arts, soon she was training 3 4 5 now 6 days/ nights a week. Mercifully their is no third party but to be told that her training is more important than our marriage simply killed me. All because I finally began to question her comittment. Life is a bitch.
I'm playing alot of RUSH. It truly lifts me.
''Oh salvation
Oh salvation
I wasn't praying for magic
I was hiding in plain sight
Rising up from the surface
To fly into the light'' The 'Oh Salvation' line cuts me up. Told you I was goign insane.
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ElfDude
- Posts: 11085
- Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 1:19 pm
- Location: In the shadows of the everlasting hills
- Contact:
Hmmm... I would think the longer the marriage the harder it would be to deal with. It was 15 years for me too (16 before the divorce was finalized). But don't be down on yourself because you're 37 and it's the hardest thing you've ever faced.
My ex's obsession/addiction was/is role-playing, both on and offline. Dungeons and Dragons type stuff. Once the Internet was in our house and she discovered Interent Relay Chat (IRC) she was soon spending 12-18 hours a day online. It's very hard for a husband or a child to have a relationship with the back of someone's head. It hurt me to know that chatrooms were more important to her than her marriage or her children. But I tolerated it and did my best to fill in the hole she was leaving in the family. But when the chat addiction led to an affair, first online and then in person... an affair which she refused to end... then I knew i had no choice either.
I know it's awful. And and to turn the hurt into anger at this point is pretty normal. Just don't become one of those people who spends the rest of their lives angry. Carrying around that kind of bitterness destroys your spirit the way cancer destroys your body. The time isn't now, and nobody but you can tell you when... just realize that there will have to come a day when you let it go.
My ex's obsession/addiction was/is role-playing, both on and offline. Dungeons and Dragons type stuff. Once the Internet was in our house and she discovered Interent Relay Chat (IRC) she was soon spending 12-18 hours a day online. It's very hard for a husband or a child to have a relationship with the back of someone's head. It hurt me to know that chatrooms were more important to her than her marriage or her children. But I tolerated it and did my best to fill in the hole she was leaving in the family. But when the chat addiction led to an affair, first online and then in person... an affair which she refused to end... then I knew i had no choice either.
I know it's awful. And and to turn the hurt into anger at this point is pretty normal. Just don't become one of those people who spends the rest of their lives angry. Carrying around that kind of bitterness destroys your spirit the way cancer destroys your body. The time isn't now, and nobody but you can tell you when... just realize that there will have to come a day when you let it go.
Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?
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Sir Myghin
- Posts: 9148
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 10:12 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
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Kares4Rush
- Posts: 3191
- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 9:31 am
- Location: New York
It's painful to see you in so much...well...PAIN!!! It stinks. From all accounts and experiences here you are a nice man. When I first joined you asked me in a PM if I were a drummer. I said "yes" but it was a long time ago. End of discussion. But still you reached out and I was shy (shut UP 3T) and I appreciate it.
For all this I have to be a "girl" in it and make sure your beloved children aren't involved. My friend is going through a divorce and doing the worst thing. Using her son against his father. And when the son is with the father he uses him against Mom. It STINKS!
But for here your pain is so welcome and Elfie's too. I used to cringe at the stuff he would say against women and try not to take it personally since I knew he had been burned but I understood later. I realized what he had been through and he put it out here.
Ogg. Goodness! I remember last Christmas when you were posting "for a short time" because you were saying how difficult it was to be a postman at Christmas when your work load was SO huge and you had no time for the family and didn't people realize it?
I gave my postman a huge tip and some cookies after that. He prolly laughed but at least you put a beautiful face of humanity on someone we just see day-to-day.
Thank you, Ogg. And God Bless you.
For all this I have to be a "girl" in it and make sure your beloved children aren't involved. My friend is going through a divorce and doing the worst thing. Using her son against his father. And when the son is with the father he uses him against Mom. It STINKS!
But for here your pain is so welcome and Elfie's too. I used to cringe at the stuff he would say against women and try not to take it personally since I knew he had been burned but I understood later. I realized what he had been through and he put it out here.
Ogg. Goodness! I remember last Christmas when you were posting "for a short time" because you were saying how difficult it was to be a postman at Christmas when your work load was SO huge and you had no time for the family and didn't people realize it?
I gave my postman a huge tip and some cookies after that. He prolly laughed but at least you put a beautiful face of humanity on someone we just see day-to-day.
Thank you, Ogg. And God Bless you.
Freeze this moment a little bit longer...