Today's Headlines

zepboy · Post by **zepboy** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 6:58 pm

That's OK. O-baby will simply wave his hand, and all will be restored to the pre-sin state.

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 7:21 pm

It better not be the end of the world, I want a new house and a new 4X4.

And..................................and............................and....................

zepboy · Post by **zepboy** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 7:43 pm

And I want a set of golf clubs.

awip2062 · Post by **awip2062** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 8:01 pm

I said what I did about it being the worst eruption ever because of the description of what could ensue. But.....not being knowledgable of volcano stuff....what makes this volcano so bad and what makes it a supervolcano and if they have thousands of quakes there normally why are these so alarming?

zepboy · Post by **zepboy** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 8:14 pm

Maybe they are lonely and want attention . . .

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 7:03 am

Ugh. I'm sorry I posted this story. I thought it was important at the time, but fack it.
Elf, I should'a listened.

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 8:22 am

Here, this is more like it;

Ore. woman, 88, gives naked intruder the 'squeeze'

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/ ... ruder.kptv

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) ? The Multnomah County Sheriff's Office said an 88-year-old woman fended off a naked intruder by grabbing the man's balls and squeezing. Deputy Paul McRedmond said the man got into the house Tuesday through a sliding door. He followed the woman around the house pressing his man meats onto her. He then backed the woman into her living room and pushed her face down onto a chair seat (shazbot?)

That's when the woman reached behind and squeezed his nutsack. The man tore free and fled. Personally, I would have said, "Cool, reach-around!"

McRedmond said a county code enforcement officer who heard the police call on his radio spotted a car near the woman's house and passed on the license information to authorities.

Troutdale police arrested a 46-year-old man named Michael Dick. He has been jailed on accusations of burglary, harassment and private indecency. Bail was set at $110,000.

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 8:29 am

Big Blue Owl wrote:Ugh. I'm sorry I posted this story. I thought it was important at the time, but fack it.
Elf, I should'a listened.

Yer kidding right, because you know I was.

I'm serious enough when I have to be, and that's why I'm mostly silly. If I get ateup over everything I see or read then it's my own fault. And I'm not calling you ateup.

The story about the nutsack..............I think they should have said marble bag, but what do I know.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 8:44 am

Nah, I'm just florkin' with ya. If I ever attempt seriousness again, someone come over here and hit me in the head with something substantial, please.

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 8:47 am

Big Blue Owl wrote:Nah, I'm just florkin' with ya. If I ever attempt seriousness again, someone come over here and hit me in the head with something substantial, please.

Nothing wrong with serious..........(Man I am so full of double standards and self hypocracy this morning), I just can't be serious all the time.

The lady in that story sounds like everyones gramma. I would have shot that guy..........................in the WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENER!!

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:06 am

Man Charged After Passing Gas Toward Cop
09/29/2008
A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.

Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.

"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time."

Zep, where were you on the night of 9/29?

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:51 am

And that is why gut wagon lunches should be outlawed.

zepboy · Post by **zepboy** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:09 pm

Big Blue Owl wrote:Zep, where were you on the night of 9/29?

Huh? Why did you think of me when you posted this story?

Big Blue Owl · Post by **Big Blue Owl** » Thu Jan 01, 2009 8:31 am

It was the fart joke part that did it. The "smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests" part proved it wasn't you, but you can't blame a guy for axin'.

You're wicked with the fart jokes.

P.S. Obamaf'ck had nuthin to do with this story.

zepboy · Post by **zepboy** » Thu Jan 01, 2009 9:52 am

Yo Owlie . . . smell somethin' burnin'?