Two country mutts are running balls-out down a pea-gravel farm
road....
The lead dog is kicking up gravel, dirt and dust all over
the trailing dog.....
The lead dog says: "Aint this a bitch?"
The other dog says: "It BETTER be!"
The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
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Big Blue Owl
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KaelMwithascrubbrush
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2003 10:52 am
- Location: I don't know, but there's a snake in my boot and an arrow just hit me in the butt!
A professor at the West Virginia University was giving a lecture
on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks:
"How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raised their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in
ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raised their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has
anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hands.
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have
any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Waaaay in the back, Bubba raises his hand....
The professor takes off his glasses and says:
"Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever
claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here
and tell us about your experience."
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began
to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks:
"So, Bubba....tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Bubba replied:
"Shee-it!! From way back thar I thought'cha said 'Goats'...."
on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks:
"How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raised their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in
ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raised their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has
anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hands.
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have
any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Waaaay in the back, Bubba raises his hand....
The professor takes off his glasses and says:
"Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever
claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here
and tell us about your experience."
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began
to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks:
"So, Bubba....tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Bubba replied:
"Shee-it!! From way back thar I thought'cha said 'Goats'...."
Don't start none...won't be none.
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KaelMwithascrubbrush
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2003 10:52 am
- Location: I don't know, but there's a snake in my boot and an arrow just hit me in the butt!
Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns
to the other and says:
"You know, I don't know what else to do....Whenever I go home
after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off
before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into
the garage, take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak
up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the
toilet and piss down my leg to prevent splashing sounds."
"I ease into bed, and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and yells at me for
staying out so late!'
His friend looks at him and says: "Well, you're obviously taking
the wrong approach.....
I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,
piss hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then
jump-into-bed-slap-her-on-the-ass-and-shout-WHO'S HORNY????
and .....
She acts like she's sound asleep!"
Works every time.
to the other and says:
"You know, I don't know what else to do....Whenever I go home
after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off
before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into
the garage, take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak
up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the
toilet and piss down my leg to prevent splashing sounds."
"I ease into bed, and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and yells at me for
staying out so late!'
His friend looks at him and says: "Well, you're obviously taking
the wrong approach.....
I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,
piss hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then
jump-into-bed-slap-her-on-the-ass-and-shout-WHO'S HORNY????
and .....
She acts like she's sound asleep!"
Works every time.
Don't start none...won't be none.
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KaelMwithascrubbrush
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2003 10:52 am
- Location: I don't know, but there's a snake in my boot and an arrow just hit me in the butt!
CygnusX1 wrote:...I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,
piss hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then
jump-into-bed-slap-her-on-the-ass-and-shout-WHO'S HORNY????
and .....
She acts like she's sound asleep!"
Works every time.
"I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."
-Steven Wright
-Steven Wright
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KaelMwithascrubbrush
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2003 10:52 am
- Location: I don't know, but there's a snake in my boot and an arrow just hit me in the butt!
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KaelMwithascrubbrush
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2003 10:52 am
- Location: I don't know, but there's a snake in my boot and an arrow just hit me in the butt!
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man,? the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What the hell??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man,? the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What the hell??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"
"I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."
-Steven Wright
-Steven Wright
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ElfDude
- Posts: 11085
- Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 1:19 pm
- Location: In the shadows of the everlasting hills
- Contact:
^^^^^^
LOL!!!!
Okay, here's an oldie but a goodie... may have already been posted but... *shrugs*
The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton are on the same stage in front of a
huge crowd.
'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to
make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did
you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every
Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture
and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering
subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone, considers what he could do. "That
was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY
hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy
will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go
deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and
rejoice."
The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of
your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
LOL!!!!
Okay, here's an oldie but a goodie... may have already been posted but... *shrugs*
The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton are on the same stage in front of a
huge crowd.
'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to
make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did
you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every
Democrat in the crowd go wild?"
He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture
and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering
subsides.
The Pope, not wanting to be outdone, considers what he could do. "That
was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY
hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy
will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go
deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and
rejoice."
The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of
your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."
So the Pope slapped her.
Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?
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KaelMwithascrubbrush
- Posts: 588
- Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2003 10:52 am
- Location: I don't know, but there's a snake in my boot and an arrow just hit me in the butt!