The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
Morals
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing getting to me...
It was my fianc?'s beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
So the moral of this story is........
?
?
? Always keep your condoms in your car
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing getting to me...
It was my fianc?'s beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
So the moral of this story is........
?
?
? Always keep your condoms in your car
Happy 2015!
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Jimmy and Timmy were scheming before breakfast one morning and Timmy say's: "Lets be bad this morning Jimmy" Jimmy says: "Why what shall we do?" Timmy says; You say dam' and I'll say ass' at breakfast this morning" Ok' say's Jimmy and off down stairs they go for breakfast and Timmy and Jimmy's mom says; Jimmy what would you like for breakfast this morning and Jimmy replies; "I'll have some dam cherrios" with that Jimmy's mom spanks the heck out of Jimmy and sends him to his room saying; "When you learn to have manners and not cuss you can come down! Then Timmy's mom says: Timmy what would you like for breakfast and Timmy replies; "You can bet your ass I don't want any dam cherrios
When evil is allowed to compete with good, evil has an emotional populist appeal that wins out unless good men & women stand as a vanguard against abuse.
George Bush, Tony Blair and our president are sitting in a concorde and at one point it becomes quite clear that the plane is approaching America, because Bush suddenly mentiones it. "how come you kn?w that?", says Tony Blair and Bush answers, "well, I just stuck my hand out of the window and there it is! The famous Alamo!
They fly eastwards and after an hour or five, Blair suddenly says..."ahhh! home sweet home! England!". At his turn Bush askes Blair, "hey man! that's quite good! how could you tell??"...well, says Tony Blair..."I did the same as you, I stuck my hand out and I f?lt our lovely Big Ben!"....
An hour later, our president suddenly yells, "Shit!!! we must be flying over Amsterdam right now!"....Blair and Bush both look at each other and say, "wel Jan that's excellent! ao how did y?u know?"...then our president started crying and said, "here! take look at my wrist!! they stole my w?tch!"
They fly eastwards and after an hour or five, Blair suddenly says..."ahhh! home sweet home! England!". At his turn Bush askes Blair, "hey man! that's quite good! how could you tell??"...well, says Tony Blair..."I did the same as you, I stuck my hand out and I f?lt our lovely Big Ben!"....
An hour later, our president suddenly yells, "Shit!!! we must be flying over Amsterdam right now!"....Blair and Bush both look at each other and say, "wel Jan that's excellent! ao how did y?u know?"...then our president started crying and said, "here! take look at my wrist!! they stole my w?tch!"
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman
sitting in a wheel chair.
He had no arms or legs.
"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said.
"Just look at you ... you have no legs!"
The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said......................
wait......................for.................................it!
"I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman
sitting in a wheel chair.
He had no arms or legs.
"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said.
"Just look at you ... you have no legs!"
The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said......................
wait......................for.................................it!
"I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
This space for rent
Walkinghairball wrote:A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that is was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local newspaper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman
sitting in a wheel chair.
He had no arms or legs.
"You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said.
"Just look at you ... you have no legs!"
The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"
"You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said......................
wait......................for.................................it!
"I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
YEAH
Happy 2015!
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Middle Kingdom
- Posts: 3361
- Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2005 7:44 am
- Location: Bacchus Plateau
