Suddenly, Bubba says:
"I think I'm going to divorce my wife...
she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."
Earl sips his beer and says:
"You best think it over Bubba...Women like that are hard to find."
The Joke thread
Moderator: Priests of Syrinx
Two guys from Richmond, VA are quietly sitting in a boat on a pond in Chesterfield County fishing for Bass.....and sucking down beer.
Suddenly, Bubba says:
"I think I'm going to divorce my wife...
she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."
Earl sips his beer and says:
"You best think it over Bubba...Women like that are hard to find."
Suddenly, Bubba says:
"I think I'm going to divorce my wife...
she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."
Earl sips his beer and says:
"You best think it over Bubba...Women like that are hard to find."
Don't start none...won't be none.
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Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts
Her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says, "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts
Her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says, "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."
This space for rent
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
You Work in Corporate America If...
- You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
- Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
- Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
- Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um.
- You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes.
- When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
- You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
- You learn about your layoff on CNN.
- Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
- You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
- Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
- You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
- It's dark when you drive to and from work.
- Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
- Communication is something your group is having problems with.
- You see a good looking person and know they're a visitor.
- Free food left over from meetings is your main staple of your diet.
- Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home.
- Art involves a white board.
- You're already late on the assignment you just got.
- You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
- Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
- Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
- Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um.
- You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of whole boxes.
- When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
- You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
- You learn about your layoff on CNN.
- Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
- You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
- Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
- You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
- It's dark when you drive to and from work.
- Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
- Communication is something your group is having problems with.
- You see a good looking person and know they're a visitor.
- Free food left over from meetings is your main staple of your diet.
- Weekends are those days your significant other makes you stay home.
- Art involves a white board.
- You're already late on the assignment you just got.
This space for rent
Okay girls, check this out. We need to remember these things sometimes.
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Onward and Upward!
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
A girl from Georgia and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane.
The girl from Georgia, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya from?"
The west coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Georgia sat quietly for a few moments and then in her Sweetest Southern Accent replied:
"So, where ya from, bitch?"
The girl from Georgia, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya from?"
The west coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Georgia sat quietly for a few moments and then in her Sweetest Southern Accent replied:
"So, where ya from, bitch?"
This space for rent
I sent this to Dan and he responded to each point. I am including both the point and his counterpoint below.
Dan:
"Very funny, I enjoyed!
. . . and in response (a natural knee-jerk defense from a male of the
species . . .)"
1. We got off the Titanic first.
Yeah, but we got to watch your butts.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
That scare tactic only works if the threatened man can spell ginea . .
.gynach . . guyn . . . oh, nevermind!
3 Taxis stop for us.
We drive the taxis!
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
So who says a frog in a blender is a bad thing?
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
At least we're smart enough to pick a speedo that doesn't clash with our
fishbelly skin tone.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
Passing gas is one of the surest signs of life, very affirming!
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
Oh, we know!
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
Again, another sign of life, very affirming.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
Just making sure. And besides, you would if you could.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
Wasn't it a woman who first said, "Shoes and socks"? Don't blame us
for getting it backwards!
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
Sometimes that's an absolute curse that we're willing to live with.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
Yeah, but she doesn't! It's good for her self esteem.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
At least I don't look like I married someone twenty years younger . . .
oh . . . ummm . . . nevermind.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
Sure, try shoving chocolate in your radiator sometime. DUH!
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Huh, what?
Okay, girls, the ball is in our court now.
Responses?
Dan:
"Very funny, I enjoyed!
. . . and in response (a natural knee-jerk defense from a male of the
species . . .)"
1. We got off the Titanic first.
Yeah, but we got to watch your butts.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
That scare tactic only works if the threatened man can spell ginea . .
.gynach . . guyn . . . oh, nevermind!
3 Taxis stop for us.
We drive the taxis!
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
So who says a frog in a blender is a bad thing?
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
At least we're smart enough to pick a speedo that doesn't clash with our
fishbelly skin tone.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
Passing gas is one of the surest signs of life, very affirming!
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
Oh, we know!
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
Again, another sign of life, very affirming.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
Just making sure. And besides, you would if you could.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
Wasn't it a woman who first said, "Shoes and socks"? Don't blame us
for getting it backwards!
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
Sometimes that's an absolute curse that we're willing to live with.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
Yeah, but she doesn't! It's good for her self esteem.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
At least I don't look like I married someone twenty years younger . . .
oh . . . ummm . . . nevermind.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
Sure, try shoving chocolate in your radiator sometime. DUH!
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Huh, what?
Okay, girls, the ball is in our court now.
Responses?
Onward and Upward!
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
-
Walkinghairball
- Posts: 25037
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:42 pm
- Location: In a rock an roll venue near you....as long as you are in the Pacific Northwest.
Van Gogh's Family Tree
His dizzy aunt -- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes -- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store -- Stop N. Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia -- U Gogh
The cousin from Illinois -- Chica Gogh
His magician uncle -- Where Diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin -- A. Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach -- Wells Far Gogh
The constipated uncle -- Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -- Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst -- E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin -- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking -- Way To Gogh
The little bouncy nephew -- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van -- Winnie Bay Gogh
....And there ya Gogh!
His dizzy aunt -- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes -- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store -- Stop N. Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia -- U Gogh
The cousin from Illinois -- Chica Gogh
His magician uncle -- Where Diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin -- A. Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach -- Wells Far Gogh
The constipated uncle -- Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -- Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst -- E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin -- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking -- Way To Gogh
The little bouncy nephew -- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van -- Winnie Bay Gogh
....And there ya Gogh!
This space for rent
