The Joke thread

[Me]

Just three times a month

[schuette]

Little Ball Player

At one point during a game, the coach called one
of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked,
"Do you understand what cooperation is?
And....What the word team means?" The little boy
nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we
win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when
an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse,
attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do
you understand all that?"
Once again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game
so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good
sportsmanship to call your coach a "dumb ass" is
it?" Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and
explain all that to your grandmother."

hahahaha......I could be that grandmother

[schuette]

This award-winning photograph of the recent floodwaters rising in Ireland captures the horror and suffering of the Irish people.





Please, keep these people in your thoughts.

the Irish and Scottish are so alike

[Me]

Now that is funny

[Walkinghairball]

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get to the cabin, the guy goes out to chop some wood to start the fireplace. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!" To that she replies "Well, come here and I?ll warm them between my legs." He goes out a couple of more times and does the same thing. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!" She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"

[Walkinghairball]

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic ask Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Ricky was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Ricky began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded,

"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place ......... smack his ass again!"

[Walkinghairball]

An elephant asks a camel,
"Why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well," says the camel, "I think that's a strange question from somebody whose Wiener is on his face."

[Me]

I liked the middle one best as I heard the first one already last one it was ok too

[Walkinghairball]

Well Cyg and you were getting a lot of good jokes in, I figured I should meet my quota for the month. LOL

[Me]

excellent keep them coming, brother!

[Big Blue Owl]

[CygnusX1]

Q: Why don't Republicans use bookmarks?

A: They prefer their pages "bent over."

[Me]

Bush Smack move the mouse around click till his face changes

http://www.toddalbert.com/files/images/bushsmack.swf

[CygnusX1]

hasn't Dubya taken enough beatdowns already!

(cool site though...lightnin' fast jabs dude.) LOL

[CygnusX1]

A college professor was doing a study, testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

The professor gave all the children the same kind of Lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colors and flavors.

The children began to say:

Red... cherries
Yellow... lemons
Green... limes
Orange... oranges
Purple... grapes

Finally the professor gave them all honey Lifesavers.

After eating them for a few minutes, none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," the professor said, "I'll give you a clue...It's what your mother might sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled:

"Oh my God! They're assholes."